How To Pick North Carolina in Your 2022 Bracket
What seems like a lifetime ago, I wrote an annual column entitled “How to Pick North Carolina in Your Bracket.” It embraced the fundamental truth that Carolina fans can’t resist filling out at least one bracket where the Tar Heels end up the main character of “One Shining Moment” on a Monday night in April. For four years I tried to humorously justify UNC’s path to a championship.
After a while though the bit began to feel stale so I skipped 2019. Then the tournament didn’t happen altogether in 2020 — which was fortuitous because “How to Pick North Carolina in the CBI” just doesn’t have the same ring to it. The tournament returned in 2021, but by that point “How to Pick North Carolina in Your Bracket” was dead…
Or so I thought… Then North Carolina beat Duke in Cameron Indoor Stadium for Coach K’s final game.
And now a UNC team that spent the better part of three months driving their own fanbase to the precipice of insanity enters the NCAA tournament as made men. As Duke fans trudge their way through the Kubler-Ross stages of grief, some will inevitably suggest the notion that Carolina is playing with house money based on beating Duke merely betrays an obsession with a rival who supposedly has more “juice” nationally. Deep down though, they know that Carolina scored a rivalry trump card even less fungible than the ridiculous virtual tickets Duke sold in advance to commemorate the night.
The only thing that could surpass spoiling Krzyzewski’s home finale is winning a championship, which to be clear is a patently ridiculous notion for this UNC team. So naturally I present to you the return of “How to Pick North Carolina in Your Bracket”.
Round of 64: North Carolina defeats Marquette
Technically this is a rematch of a hastily scheduled matchup from last year, in which UNC inexplicably was dealt their only home loss of the season by a mediocre Marquette squad. However this time Dawson Garcia won’t be on the Golden Eagles roster helping them beat the Tar Heels. He also coincidentally won’t be on the UNC roster. While Shaka Smart had UNC’s number at Texas, you have to think last year’s loss to Marquette as well as Carolina’s first round beatdown in the 8-9 game of the 2021 tournament will have Carolina locked in. Carolina avenges both losses and moves on to the second round in a Dawson Garcia-less affair.
Round of 32: UNC defeats Baylor
Bad Matchup for Baylor 2: Electric Boogaloo!
For the second straight season the Tar Heels are getting buzz as a potential first weekend hazard for a top seeded Bears unit. Of course, last season North Carolina happened to overlook the minor detail of winning their first game against Wisconsin. Thus Baylor was spared from having to match up with UNC’s huge frontcourt… and Davion Mitchell was deprived of 17 steals against the freshman iteration of Caleb Love.
This time around Baylor’s backcourt and Carolina’s frontcourt are both slightly less imposing, if still formidable. Baylor has been plagued with injuries, making them the most vulnerable #1 seed in the field. Ultimately though the logic for picking the Tar Heels to upset Baylor circles back to what happened in Cameron Indoor. All the pressure in the matchup falls on the Bears and UNC will once again be in position to play spoiler. They just so happen to have the talent and matchups to do it in this case.
Sweet Sixteen: UNC defeats UCLA
This is the moment Leaky Black’s tumultuous career has been building towards. Halfway through this season the senior wing finally was able to slide into a defined role — lockdown defender. And that is precisely why we’re picking UNC to beat UCLA here. For UCLA to mount another Final Four run they need Johnny Juzang to once again dominate. Leaky Black is damn near custom built to frustrate Juzang with his length and tenacity, much in the same way he did against Duke’s AJ Griffin. With Juzang neutralized the Tar Heels are more than a match for the Bruins. Onto the Elite Eight.
Elite Eight: UNC defeats Murray State
To drop the bit for a moment, it will be a minor miracle if the Tar Heels advance to the Elite Eight, but I truly do believe that the specific matchups with Baylor and UCLA would be at least somewhat advantageous to Carolina.
Unfortunately the “UNC is a bad matchup for…”narrative ends here. If chalk prevails Kentucky is an awful matchup for the Tar Heels, which shouldn’t be too hard to convince anyone reading this of given the 30 point beatdown they dished to the UNC in Las Vegas this past December. A Purdue rematch might inspire a bit more hope since Leaky Black didn’t play in the first matchup, but the Boilermakers still have the size to neutralize Armando Bacot.
So instead we’re banking on chaos here. Murray State shocks their bluegrass state big brother then ends Virginia Tech’s March hot streak after the Hokies knock off Purdue. Then Armando Bacot dominates the paint and ends the cinderella run of the Fighting Ja Morants in the Elite Eight.
Hey I never claimed this was a realistic exercise.
Final Four: UNC defeats Connecticut
Since we’re picking North Carolina to win in the Final Four — which to be clear is an outrageous thing to do — it doesn’t really even matter who they play. It really only matters that it is absolutely NOT Duke. The prospect of Duke-UNC playing in the Final Four is an extinction level event even without the added bonus of being the final matchup between the two rivals with Coach K at the helm. My blood pressure is rising just typing this. So among the “not Duke” candidates we’ll pick the Huskies to fall to the Tar Heels in this little fantasy.
Championship: UNC defeats Auburn
North Carolina winning a championship is definitely bigger than beating Coach K in his final home game. No rational Carolina fan would argue otherwise. However, spoiling K’s farewell party evoked a specific sense of schadenfreude that I’m not sure will ever be topped. But the closest thing that could happen would be winning a national title by beating Auburn, and more specifically Walker Kessler.
Walker Kessler by all accounts is a good kid who had a brutal season in Chapel Hill that was thrown off by extended contract-tracing related absences. He’s having a fantastic year at Auburn, will be a first round draft pick and objectively might have even made the right basketball decision transferring.
But it’s impossible to shake the sense that his decision to transfer at the very least contributed to Roy Williams’ defeated mood when he announced his retirement and may have even sealed Roy’s decision to step away from the game. And for that reason no hypothetical championship win would be sweeter than one that came at the expense of Walker Kessler.
