Game of Thrones Power Rankings: Episode 5

The Prodigal Son Returns!


Winter is here, and just like that it’s almost gone. We’ve had five episodes of Season 7 of Game of Thrones, and no one really that important has died and all we’ve got is some intense dragon-petting scenes to discuss. Well Jon, there’s something for everyone I guess. Each week, we take a look at which characters in the world of Game of Thrones lead the “Power Rankings”, that is, which characters are winning the Game of Thrones. TO THE RANKINGS!

Power Rankings: Week 5

1) Jon Snow (Last Week: 2, Up 1)

It’s happened! For the first time all season, someone has been able to…dethrone…(heh) Cersei as top honcho on top of the power rankings. It’s been a long road for Jon, who’s utilized the “quick travel” option on his video game more times than imaginable this season. Despite his crazy obsession with blue ice people, Jon has magnificently been able to convince everyone that white walkers are the biggest threat to Westeros since three massive fire-breathing dragons. Not only did Jon have Dany ready to send a “Do you like me? Check yes or no” letter to Jon when he left Dragonstone, but he’s convinced her that the White Walkers pose the biggest threat to her claim to the throne (which is clearly bullshit, because it’s him, but whatever). Jon and the fellowship of the wights are on the path to glory. Next week looks like it’s going to involve some serious cardio for him and his band of ginger and dry-skinned misfits, so we’ll let him enjoy the glory atop the leaderboard. P.S., was anyone else waiting for Drogon to sneeze on Jon?

2) Cersei Lannister (Last Week: 1, Down 1)

Cersei’s feeling the heat. As a friend pointed out, Cersei’s eyes look like that type of crazy that happens when you’ve had one-too-many-shots of tequila or when literally all of your family just keeps getting murdered because you’re only trying to take over known world. Try finding out your child was murdered by an old lady and keeping a straight face! Cersei revealing her — real or fake — pregnancy is a genius move to ensure she keeps Jamie faithful and close to her as we see Tyrion is trying to rip her apart. It’s clear that she knows everything in King’s Landing, and as long as she holds the Red Keep, Queen-I-will-kill-you-if-you-mess-with-me is doing just fine.

3) Danaerys Targaryen (Last Week: 3, No Change)

Remember when Danaerys just surrounded herself with all women, and then they basically died or disappeared in just one episode? Well, she’s back to hanging out with good ole Jorah, who pulled the “I’m gonna tilt my head and see if you wanna kiss me back” approach when he got to see his queen again. Last episode, we saw Dany add a little char to the Lannister army for some good depth of flavor, but this time she left her ribs on the grill for too long. At least we know Drogon’s got a B-career as a cremator. Her brutal executions are leading us down a dangerous patch and without Jon as her trusty advisor at Dragonstone, we could see some rash actions in the near future.


4) Samwell Tarly (Last Week: 6, Up 2)

For once, I find myself able to root for Sam. He’s head of his house and might not even live to find out, but Sam pulled his best Anthony Scaramucci impression and left the Citadel before he even got be made fun of more. We’re all rooting for him, maybe not so much for Gilly, however. We might not know where he’s headed or who will be around when they get there, but Sam’s got knowledge and scrolls in his knapsack and is off on another adventure.

5) Jamie Lannister (Last Week: 8, Up 3)

Shoutout to Jamie Lannister for having what’s probably the most fertile sperm in all of Westeros. He’s looking at an 16 year period where he’s been popping out babies with his sister. Jamie slots in here at number five because he’s still the second most powerful person in King’s Landing. He’s got Bronn to love eternally if Cersei gets even more crazy, and he’s got Tyrion on the other side who sees him as his left-hand man. Where the future lies for Jamie, we don’t really know yet. Each episode his alliances seem to grow stronger and more blurry.

6) Littlefinger (Last Week: HM, Up 5)

Sneaky sneaky Mr Baelish!

And out of the ashes, rises Littlefinger to use the chaos as his ladder. We’ve known he’s been up to something all along — (OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED ARYA HAS THAT DAGGER). Finally, we see his evil plan come into place. Despite my belief that when someone walks in Winterfell’s castle their feet probably make sounds, Littlefinger lured Arya right into his trap. What if his end game is to singlehandedly dismantle the Starks? Also who cuts a hole in a perfectly good mattress to hide a scroll? Come on Peter, stop being so wasteful. Nonetheless, Littlefinger is clearly pulling more strings than we think in Westeros. While Jon is away, he’s the most powerful person in the North, and this week we saw that first hand. It might not be long before it’s actually Baelish in charge of the North.

7) Arya Stark (Last Week: 5, Down 2)

It’s hard to rank Arya above Sansa given that she’s not actually in charge of anything, but that plays into Arya’s strengths. She really is falling in this case only because others are making better moves. The world’s youngest secret assassin is ready to go all Secret Agent Cody Banks on her sister and she doesn’t have anyone to stop her. Shoutout to Arya for being probably the world’s best hide and seek player.

8) Sansa Stark (Last Week: 7, Down 1)

In behind her mortal enemy and sister is the current ruler of the North, Sansa. While her sister criticizes her for being pragmatic, Sansa is still playing the game of thrones the way Cersei taught her. Clearly some part of the North thinks she should be in charge and they just might be right. If Jon even manages to come back, they’ll be a true power dilemma in Winterfell. Things might not be all roses and daisies with the Stark family, right now.

9) Jorah Mormont (Last Week: NR)

It’s been a long time coming, but it’s finally happened. I made fun of Jorah’s butt-out hug earlier, but how could this not be a feel-good moment for anyone. I’m a little concerned that Jorah’s skin grows back without any scars quicker than my sunburns heal, but I’m happy to have the man back and ready to sacrifice himself again. Because once you survive one deadly disease, why not just ship off ready to fight more crazy creatures? Smh, Jorah, catch up on your Netflix for once.

10) Gendry Waters-Baratheon-Rowing-Master (Last Week: Not even in existence)

First off, shout out for actor Gendry becoming fit, and shoutout to the show writers for making a meta rowing joke. That said, anyone who goes from hiding blacksmith to part of the fellowship of the wights in literally 25 minutes deserves to hop onto the rankings. Gendry probably isn’t headed towards the throne, but what is his use? Well, he’s a blacksmith and Jon just got all this dragonglass he’s got to turn into weapons. Maybe he could also figure out how to make new Valyrian steel weapons?

I’m sorry. I’m just so so so happy that Gendry’s back.

Honorable Mentions:

Tyrion Lannister: While we all watch the world develop, Tyrion is strengthening his personal relationships with Jon, Jamie, and Varys. Where that might lead, we don’t know. However, Tyrion hasn’t made a big move in a while and it might be coming soon.

Qyburn: This episode marks two weeks in a row we find out that Cersei probably trusts Qyburn more than anyone else in Westeros. I’m not sure what he’s got up his sleeve, but would it surprise anyone if he’s got a dragon-killing explosive weapon down there?

Bran: Bran’s wargism was pivotal to getting the plot moving against the White Walkers. It’s unfortunate that I didn’t get to live vicariously through Emo Bran this week, but in the meantime I’ll make him a My Chemical Romance playlist.

Episode MVP: Sam Tarly

This is tough. But in a sea of leaders and self-interested fools, Sam was the only one willing this episode to speak out against others’ views. Sam isn’t doing anything out of selfishness, rather just building on his experiences to help make the world a better place. If Sam isn’t heading off to get his Masters in Social Work, then I damn hope him and Jon can see each other one more time. Shoutout to Big Sam!

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