I Was Stimming Without Even Realizing It
Not everyone rocks and flaps.
Many people assume that autistic “stimming” is obvious. Think of a child rocking back and forth, hands over their ears, humming—or maybe pacing back and forth while flapping their hands.
But stims can take many different forms, not all of them as overt. After all, “stimming” is simply the act of engaging in self-stimulation behaviors in order to improve your emotional state—and every human has different sensory needs and preferences.
As autistic adults, we also are more likely to mask by engaging in socially acceptable stims—even if we’re using them somewhat differently than neurotypical people. I personally found that identifying my own stims became much easier when I dropped the outdated idea that stims must inherently be “weird.”
Indeed, stims don’t even need to be proprioceptive or vestibular in nature. Certainly, there are adults who rely on moving through space to calm down—perhaps by running along a pre-defined path, spinning around in their office chair, or rocking forward and back in a rocking chair. Others of us are regulated by repetitive, quiet, small movements—maybe by subtly tapping out patterns with our fingers or toes or repeatedly clenching and releasing certain muscles.
But stims can involve any type of sensory input: visual, auditory, gustatory, etc. I really like this long (though still non-exhaustive) list of stims that an autistic writer shared on Reddit. In the comments, a bunch of other autistic people shared their own stims; it’s worth a skim.
My less-obvious stim
Speaking of skimming—one of my most common stims involves using my phone in a particular way. I feel a little embarrassed talking about it, but I think it’s worth sharing since it’s a good example of how stimming can appear “normal” to an outside observer. In fact, I didn’t even realize this was stimming behavior until I talked about it in my adult autism assessment.
I have a series of clothing websites I visit every morning and evening (and sometimes midday if I need to relax). I typically start by checking for new items. Then, I systemically filter all the items, new and old alike, according to size, type, color, price, and reviews. Time permitting, I open tabs for every item that catches my eye, then methodically go through the tabs, reading item descriptions and customer reviews. I add certain items to my cart, and then I view the cart and narrow it down to only the items I like the most.
And then, usually, I close the website without buying anything.
This makes sense when you view my behavior through a stimming lens. After all, for me, online “shopping” (if we can call it that) isn’t primarily about buying new clothes. It’s about going through an extensive sorting process, which I personally find very soothing.
Using my phone in this way offers me a comfortable blend of visual, mental, and physical stimulation—visual from looking at colors and shapes and quickly moving my eyes from tab to tab, mental from weighing quality, price, and reviews against each other, and physical from my fingers touching the phone and my eyes looking at the screen.
I have an in-person equivalent, too: thrifting. I’ve always enjoyed going to thrift stores, especially the less curated ones, like Salvation Army or Goodwill. I like sorting through the racks, feeling my way through the fabrics (though some textures can be quite off-putting!), and searching for interesting colors, patterns, and shapes.
My thrifting process is pretty similar to my online shopping process. I like to go one rack at a time, looking briefly at each item. I collect the ones I like, and then I gather information about them. What condition are they in? What is their fabric content? Are the color and texture pleasing? How much do they cost online? I narrow down my collection of items to the top contenders. Sometimes I buy them, sometimes I don’t; again, the pleasure is primarily in the sorting process.
From the outside, neither of these behaviors would seem very odd. I’m confident that when my husband sees me in bed on my phone, I don’t “look autistic” in the moment. I’m not rocking or flapping—I’m probably scrolling through Poshmark.
But from what I can tell, my reasons for engaging in these behaviors—and the repetitive, ritualized nature in which I engage in them—are not neurotypical. I’m not shopping primarily to buy items. And I’m definitely not shopping with friends as a social activity. For me, shopping is about quietly regulating myself by stimulating various senses.
One last thing. I really want to emphasize that there is nothing wrong with more overt or stereotypical autistic stims. In fact, as I’ve explored the idea of stimming over the past few months, I’ve realized that I really enjoy some of the more “old school” stims, too. Rocking can be very nice—especially outside, in a comfortable rocker, with an engaging book (or phone!). Hand-flapping isn’t really my jam, but pacing? Pacing is great.
What about you? How do you stim? I’d love to hear in the comments.
