Stim to the Beat of a Different Drum
Quite often, diagnosed and undiagnosed autistic people experience an altered reality of awareness. If you are unaware of or do not understand an autistic trait, you will probably not be able to cope with it or explore its uniqueness in your life. Not fully understanding oversharing or missing social cues led to my incident of discrimination in February 2020 because autism research was too inconsistent to be helpful.
One year ago, when the adult-age autism support group I attended resumed meeting in person, we were busy buzzing away, discussing traits, and sharing our experiences. Lo and behold, we were talking about one in particular, thanks to the inquisitiveness of an autistic woman who frequently attended. Cue the music maestro! You are about to embark on a journey of musical proportions and repetitive movements.
When the members of the support group started talking about stimming, it had been a non-entity in my life for three years. By that time, I had heard of it. However, I did not understand if or how it was an autistic trait I experienced. So, there was a distinct disconnect between the fact that I was medically diagnosed but was completely unaware of all the effects on my behavior. One of the group members tapped their hands on the table, and suddenly, a light bulb went off in my mind.
I raised my hand, kindly asked to speak (which does not always happen because I am ADHD), and they gave me the floor. I tapped my hands on the table to mimic a decent rendition of the Super Mario Bros. theme. Next, I explained that for years, when I was in a noticeably positive mood, I would tap my hands to musical tunes in my mind or music I was listening to.
Then, I asked if they believed that this was stimming. After some honest discussion and with the help of one non-autistic person in the room who was knowledgeable about research, we generally agreed that, yes, it was stimming. So, we continued by going around the room for each group member to share their own experiences. What followed was fascinating for me to witness.
I was able to see just how unique it can be for each person. Most of the examples were different from each other, which is important to note about stimming. It has a wide variety of variations in how we experience it. I was also impressed by the value of sharing personal autism experiences to educate ourselves. Thus, it should be noted that this is one of the helpful benefits of a well-managed and inclusive autism support group. We can legitimately learn from each other.
Learning from each other is a viable way to begin to understand the complexity of autism. Or, in our case, because support services and society are lagging behind, good support groups can be a helpful option for education if done mindfully and objectively. We have to start somewhere, lest any discrimination or manipulation take advantage of us first.
No offense intended, but having a comprehensive and consistent overview of autism from psychiatry or psychology would have helped me discover this sooner than I did. I feel lucky that stimming was not as risky as oversharing or as perilous as missing social cues and being a suicide attempt survivor. Unfortunately, this is the state of autistic life in many parts of the world.
In hindsight, thank you, Mario, for giving me that moment of stimulating musical discovery. Now, that is a tune to tap your hands to.
#LetThatThinkIn
Welcome to the next Autism Experience.
A Conflict of Sensory Overload Proportions.
