3 steps to help anxious kids and stressed parents
Discover a mind/body hack that calms everybody down
I don’t know about you, but I can literally feel clarity, creativity and any sense of resourcefulness shrinking when I’m in a stressed place — it’s the same for everyone right?
Whether your kids are worried about taking a test or doing a performance, or you’re running around like a whirling dervish at work, we all have moments where we feel overwhelmed and anxious. One of the best things the whole family can learn to do right now is a simple mind/body hack that literally helps you to calm down and think clearly.
And here it is. It’s simple. Everyone can do it.
The Triangle
· A neuro-biological hack that immediately reduces stress and anxiety
· An effective way of accessing a relaxed, receptive and resourceful state
· A flexible and adaptable process that you can easily learn in a few minutes
It can be used as a stand-alone technique to change your emotional state or as a process you use when engaging in a particular activity that requires a calm, clear head (such as sports, presentations, exams).
Why does it work?
Well, it works at a neuro-biological level. By calming down the body we calm down the mind and visa versa. This technique literally switches us out of our sympathetic nervous system (the I’m ready for imminent threat — fight, flight, freeze mode) and switches on our para-sympathetic nervous system (our default no threat, I’m OK, relaxed mode). The technique also quietens internal dialogue (that angst-inducing monkey mind).
The fact is you cannot be in relaxed mode and anxious/stressed mode at the same time. This technique allows us to consciously change from stressed to relaxed in a few simple steps.
It’s primal
This is a great way to explain how this works to your kids.
Think about a gazelle out in the African bush. Most of the time it needs to be in a relaxed state so it can graze and go about its business but at the same time, it needs to be in a state of full sensory awareness (or risk being scoffed by a predator). When it’s in a “no-threat” mode it will be seeing the world through peripheral vision — or wide focus. This is its default mode and it will only switch to narrow focused attention (foveal vision) when it senses a possible threat. Moving from peripheral vision to foveal vision automatically switches on the sympathetic nervous system to gear up to deal with imminent danger — to flight, fight, freeze. So, if a gazelle senses movement nearby it’s no longer scanning the terrain but honing in and gearing up to shift. If the movement turns out to be something non-threatening, the gazelle will return to peripheral vision so it can continue to munch on the grass in a relaxed aware state.
While human beings are designed to operate in the same way the default mode, for many of us these days, has become focused attention stress mode. Think about how much of your time you and your family spend in focused attention. When you’re on your phone, when you’re frantically tapping your laptop or rushing about like a loony dropping the kids to school. We’ve forgotten how to be in open focus…in what should be our default mode.
The good news is we can learn how to shift states quickly and effectively. The more you practice this the more you will be able to operate from a relaxed and resourceful place.
This technique is proven to work and is used by people in various situations where a clear, calm working state is vital — from rock climbers to the military to professional sports athletes. Always a good incentive for the kids to try it.
The triangle has 3 stages (hence the name):
Step 1) You change your field of vision from focused attention to peripheral vision.
So, if you’re looking straight ahead with your eyes still, you would be aware of what’s to the far right and to the far left of you. You become aware of the space around and between things rather than the things themselves.
Tip: if you’re looking at your phone and then you shift into wide focus you would still see the phone but it would be out of focus — you would be unable to read the text.
Step 2) You relax your shoulders, relax your jaw and relax (or drop) your tongue
Now you may be wondering why dropping your tongue is part of the process. Well, this sssshhhes the internal chatter (or thoughts) that can trigger and enhance stress and anxiety. When we talk to ourselves internally our tongue makes microscopic movements too. Dropping your tongue suppresses this response and directly quietens the mind (remember your physiological state influences your psychological state and vice versa).
Step 3) Bring your attention to your breathing
Simply take some nice deep breaths and notice the air going in and out.
Too much? JUST DO STEP ONE
To start with, practice switching from narrow to wide focus. If you’re looking straight ahead, you would be aware of what’s on your far left and your far right at the same time.
Make it Fun
Tip: When your kids practice this, they might like to try using their hands as guides. Get them to hold their hands out in front of them, with their arms straight, so they’re looking at their thumbs. Then, keeping head and eyes in the same position, ask them to gradually move their arms outwards wiggling their fingers so their focus follows this movement. The challenge is to see how far they can move their arms apart and still see both their hands at the same time. Remember the head stays still and eyes remain looking forward. You can make it a game by keeping an eye on any sneaky sideways looks!!
Code signal
While you get the hang of the Triangle and practising peripheral vision, it’s easy to forget to do it in the heat of the moment. My 8-year-old daughter loves drama but she still gets really nervous about being on stage. If I’m in the audience and she catches my eye, we have a code ‘sign’ that acts as a reminder for her to switch into wide focus. I point my index fingers between my eyes and move them out to my temples. It usually gets a smile :-)
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