How to wire your brain to achieve your goals

Boost motivation and mindset in 3 steps

If there’s something you want to change or achieve, perhaps you’ve been ‘trying’ to do something for a while, it can sometimes feel like there’s a part of you not playing ball.

A part of you that’s doing a behaviour or thinking a certain way or just throwing up a big pile of resistance. We can end up frustrated with ourselves “why can’t I just…” and rather than connect with what we want we disconnect from it.

I’m doing this…and I NEED to do that. It’s separate. It’s over there. It’s hard. It’s a battle.

The thing is you’re one system — one person — so this separateness is an illusion. When you connect with who you are and what you really want the resistance starts to dissolve.

Now, I’m not coming at this from a ‘I’ve got this sorted’ perspective. Ooooh no. Putting myself out there, writing, creating, interacting and diving into a world of tech that is unfamiliar has sent me running for the sick bucket and retreating to my safety zone. I have days where my brain is in a fog, when I’m a lethargic blob of no action avoidance. The difference is that I’m getting rather good at recognising these familiar patterns ‘there you are old friend…grrr’ and forgiving myself for being human. I’ve also got strategies — I know what to do to get myself back on track.

Reconnect with the why and not just the what

When we set a goal we often focus on the means of getting there rather than what we really want. People often say they want to lose weight, they want to go to the gym, give up chocolate, do weight watchers, but all these things are just a means to get to their end goal. Also, by focusing on the stuff you’re giving up or having to do, you’re focusing on deficits, sacrifices and the tough stuff rather than what you’ll gain. This is a very effective way to encourage your mind to reject the change you’re making.

The first thing to do is to drop the I musts, I shoulds and I need tos and connect with the idea that you have a choice. From here you can explore your options without the internal nagging. Is it something you really want or not?

Here are some simple steps to get your mind working for you and not against you.

Step 1: Explore the reasons why you did what you did before (the thing you want to change).

It’s important to understand the reason why you’ve done what you’ve done in the past. What are you getting out of it?

If you’re looking to lose weight, you would ask yourself why you eat the things you eat. What does food mean to you and do for you? There’s usually a positive intention in there somewhere, beyond just the enjoyment of food and fuel. For example, the weekend wine and chips might give you a particular feeling — of freedom, relaxation or fun — or you might feel connectedness if there’s a social aspect to food. Perhaps it’s tied to nurturing and providing for your family. If your goal is to change jobs what are the benefits of staying where you are? What are you getting out of your current position? Why haven’t you left before? Perhaps the job gives you a sense of security, identity or routine? Perhaps there’s a strong social aspect that you don’t want to give up.

These things tend to be tied to our values and what drives us in life and they’re pretty strong reasons to keep the status quo. It’s important to understand what’s important to you, your needs and what drives your behaviour so you can address them.

You now need a really powerful, irresistible reason to change and this is why we move onto step 2…

Step 2: What do you want to do now and why?

This is all about focusing your mind on where you want to go rather than how you get there. It’s not about losing the 10lbs, getting a new job or making more money it’s about what achieving these things will give you — the real why. What is the reason for doing this thing?

Ask yourself the following:

Why do you want to do/have this?

What difference will it make to you/your life?

How will you feel when you reach your goal?

Here’s an example of some answers based on someone who wants to lose weight and get fit:

I want to feel and look good when I go on holiday. I want to be able to wear my skinny jeans again. I will throw my clothes on and go! I will feel lighter in my body, carefree and happy. I will feel like doing the things I used to do. I will feel like I’m walking on air! I will be more confident and enthusiastic about going out and enjoying my life.

Once you’ve done this exercise you can focus your mind on the reason why you’re changing rather than what you have to lose, give up and do to achieve it. You can give your brain a clear direction and point it where you want to go!

Step 3: Connect what you’re doing, your new behaviours, with how you will feel when you’ve achieved that goal.

When you get up in the morning set your intention — remind yourself of the reason you want to change. You might like to post something that reminds you of the ‘why’ around your home, your office, on your laptop and your phone. Perhaps a phrase, quote or photo that will help you stay on track. Do whatever it takes to reconnect with that end goal and how you will feel when you get it.

Do this 2 minute motivation boosting routine every day (preferably first thing) and notice the difference it makes to your progress:

Think of the thing you want to change or achieve — now close your eyes and imagine what it will be like when you’ve achieved it. You can imagine that right? What’s that like? Where in your body are you feeling that? Spend a minute or two really tuning into your thoughts and feelings — this experience. When you’re done you can open your eyes and get cracking.

If you have a bad day, you’ve stuffed up or you feel like giving up then remember there’s no rule that says you have to do anything. Take the pressure off and get back to connecting with the why you’re doing this thing.

And the fact we have a choice.

All this is relevant to our kids too —to the whole family in fact. When it comes to changing things up, stepping outside our comfort zone or simply doing the stuff we need to do to get what we want, getting to the heart of the WHY is key.

That homework project may be less exciting than Pokemon, TV might seem preferable to practising the piano but if we tune into the benefits of doing them — how they’ll feel when they’ve done them — we moving away from nagging towards giving them a sense of choice.

Here’s something you might like to try. It’s not always going to work, but it’s more about shifting perspective and giving them a sense of responsibility for their life.

“How will you feel when you’re presenting your project and you know you’ve done your best — you’re really proud of it.”

“How will you feel when you absolutely nail your piece and blow everyone away in the school concert?”

“I get it, Pokemon is important to you, how can you do create an amazing project and have time for Pokemon?”

Connecting with who you are and what lights you up is a key part of being Unlimited. If you haven’t already, read my article “Have you Unplugged from Happiness?” where I go deeper into this idea.

If this resonates with you click the 👏 and you’ll help others find it. If you’re shouting HELL YES then why not join The Unlimited Club mailing list. We’ll only ever send you an email when we have something to share.