Why not doing everything can help your family achieve anything

Overwhelm

It’s a familiar feeling for me. It can act like a niggling injury, a chronic condition that flares up from time to time. Overwhelm is the modern epidemic of a digital age.

Why?

Well, amongst other things…

• Everything is coming at us 24 7…Facebook, Whatsapp, texts, emails
• There’s access to everything all of the time
• We think we can (we should) do it all, have it all, be it all
• Stuff doesn’t require much time or effort — so it’s tempting to do lots of stuff
• We are bombarded with examples of seemingly perfect careers, perfect bodies and perfect lives (something to live up to)
• There’s a blueprint for everything — how to have it all right now
• FOMO can hit on multiple levels — from our social life to what our kids are learning, doing and achieving

And all this can be the undoing of the perfectionist, the doer, the mover and shaker, the parent who wants to do the best they can.

It’s the scourge of people who give a shit.

When I became a parent, lots got added in, but I never thought for one minute that I could take something out. Even if it was a temporary diversion of energy, I couldn’t contemplate the thought of letting stuff slide…even for the sake of my sanity.

I’d forgotten the practice of prioritising.

Now, a few years down the line, I’ve realised one simple truth. If you want to become extraordinary and remain mentally intact, you can’t do everything full blast, all out, all the time. It’s a recipe for getting nowhere and burning out — and it’s a recipe that leads to mediocrity.

Today, as a family, we’re well immersed in school life and the clubs, extracurricular activities and other commitments that come with it. But I wonder while it’s important to encourage kids to try stuff — to dabble, explore, connect with things — what does a bulging schedule actually teach them?

I think it teaches them the recipe for overwhelm.

Don’t get me wrong, to find our passion, the stuff we love to do, we need exposure to a wide range of experiences. However, to really give something a go, to connect with it and develop mastery we also need to have consistency and commitment. We need to immerse ourselves rather than dip our toes.

My daughter is learning the guitar. It’s not the easiest instrument to get to grips with and it tends to involve learning and drilling “boring cords” (her words not mine). There was a point where we realised she was not practising and it was turning into a chore even though she loved it. Her schedule was getting a little crazy and squeezing everything in was challenging — including the essential free time where she could chill and stick her head in the recharge bucket. The result was she wasn’t able to get past the tough bits and see progress. She wasn’t getting a boost from moving onto the more exciting stuff. She was dabbling and when you dabble with something new that’s also hard, it’s more difficult to get momentum and keep going.

“Progress equals happiness.” Tony Robbins

We know that music and drama are her fave things so we’ve prioritised. We’ve played with our morning routine so she can practice for 5 mins before school every day. After that, she can do what she likes. It’s just 5 minutes but it’s been game-changing in how she feels about guitar and the results she’s getting. She can see progress and she’s beginning to believe that she will be able to play something she really loves.

Prioritising is the key to achieving the things you want

As a self-confessed creator of overwhelm and someone with serious goals, I’ve had to accept I have a choice — try and do everything (and do everything sub-optimally) or ditch, postpone or reduce the stuff that’s not essential or nourishing right now.

I recently read Flourish, a book on happiness and wellbeing, by the founder of Positive Psychology Martin Seligman. In the book, he describes working with the American Army on psychological fitness and in one particular meeting a group of special forces soldiers, intelligence officers, psychologists, and generals were asked to write their philosophy of life.

General Rhonda Cornum came up with the following:

Prioritise.

A

B

C

Discard C

I love this. For me, it was a bucket of ice water over the head sort of a wake-up call. Creating an extraordinary life requires focus.

I don’t believe there’s a success formula in the world that works without a bit of prioritising. I know writing this blog, developing The Unlimited Club and creating my heart song work, alongside being the Mum I want to be, means dropping the ball on other things (for a while at least).

So what about you? Is there something you want for yourself or your family but you feel too ‘squashed’ to make it happen? What could you prioritise to achieve your dreams?

If this resonates with you click the 👏 and you’ll help others find it. If you’re shouting HELL YES then why not join The Unlimited Club mailing list. I’ll only ever send you an email when I have something to share.