Finding certainty within yourself

It feels like each time I’ve sat down to write recently, I haven’t felt confident enough in myself to write something of any value. Not in the way of self-esteem, like so many young adults struggle with from an early age, but more in the way of doubting my own path and understanding of things to come.

I’ve really questioned whether I have the right to say much at all, at least on an online/public forum. This applied even more so to my communications with family and friends (even new acquaintances), staying unusually quiet for my normal, jovial self.

As a mere student of life, the overwhelming amount of information and “life lessons” I was exposed to during 2015 seemed to take its toll, pushing me to grow uncertain about a lot of things.

Uncertainty about the short term future — Of deciding whether holidays were to be spent sitting around and relaxing, or spent working my butt off to travel and begin to grow a financial safety net with which I could begin to strengthen my own independence.

Uncertainty about the long term future — Whether a course in Osteopathy is what I need right now, domesticated in a major city, spending long hours studying, commuting on a train with corporates and University students alike. Or whether the year would be better spent travelling, free and untamed, exposed to cultures, people and experiences incomprehensible at this point in time and kept at bay in my dreams and thoughts of “what could be”.

Just uncertain. About a lot of things, if not where my life was heading entirely.

It led to some pretty rough times I’d have to say, and my brother was pretty spot on when he made a remark about my sullen demeanour and inability to cope with uncertainty in my life.

“You’re just not as happy when you’re uncertain. It really gets you down”.

Spot on. But tough shit.

You see, as one of these “students of life”, I’ve been attentive enough in my silence to really begin to understand how uncertain life is. In general. Full stop.

I mean just ask people who’ve been hit by falling shoes lost from sky-divers, or fat children that peer outside the car window, only to find they’re at fat camp and Disney world was a cruel lie used to lure them into the vehicle.

It’s a shitty thing to try and come to terms with, but ultimately something to accept.

And so I’ve begun to accept the uncertainty of everything.

The uncertainty of where I’ll be in a year. The uncertainty of where I’ll be in five years.

And the hardest of all, the uncertainty of whether those caramel cream eggs from Cadbury in Australia will ever be released again for our general consumption.

Damn you Cadbury, bring back the caramel cream eggs!

In accepting this uncertainty, there in lies another important lesson that I don’t think I could have understood or begun to realise unless I had been completely honest with myself.

Honest about flaws, errors in judgement, mistakes I’d made. All of it unfortunate, but ultimately, all part of life. Without sounding cliche, honesty is the key, and I’m not just talking about relationships here.

If I hadn’t been as honest with myself as I have been over the last 12 to 18 months, I couldn’t have come to the realisation that we have one thing we should be certain about;

Certainty that we have the power to overcome any obstacle we’re faced with.

And shit its been empowering.

Everyone doubts themselves at one point or another, and problems or challenges pop up that we really struggle to deal with at times — all part of life, yada yada.

Its become clear as day to me that you’ve got to accept the future will always be uncertain, yet we possess the ability, intelligence and means to meet arising challenges head on.

It’s like a lighting bolt to the top of the penis (in a good way). But only if you’re ready to be honest with yourself, otherwise your reality is, for lack of a better word, warped. Just ask Donald Trump.

I would give time and value to anyone writing or talking that has faced their life ordeals with a raw acceptance that they are only human, and have their whole life ahead of them to learn more and more of how to face things constructively. And in saying this, I feel like I’ve granted myself some permission again to write down something I feel others may benefit from. Because like you, I’m going through life, and its a real bitch at times.

You don’t know whether it’s going to kick you in the face, or throw a psychotic girlfriend your way, or perhaps a little old lady will run over your foot with her walker.

During times of real lows and times of real highs, no matter the situation, the value in accepting uncertainty and knowing you have the ability to overcome pretty much anything — well that’s invaluable.

So I’d hope that those people out there doubting themselves, or decisions, or plans ahead have the patience and awareness to find it in themselves to make a choice that’s best for them. Because they can, and they will if they are honest with themselves and accepting of the events that unfold.

And if not, accept that in the wider scheme of things, you can’t control your life as much as you think you can. Don’t go asking life questions, thinking you have the answer. Rather, sit and reflect and take the time to see what life is asking you, and what you can do to meet it halfway.

Because like so many great motivational speakers and drug rehabilitation councillors have said in the past —