Fitting in with the crowd…
I remember when I used to be pissed at my mum for not letting me wear sneakers to school, like all the other kids did. Everyone else wore sneakers — that was cool. So I used to swap my black school shoes half-way there, and wear sneakers instead.
I remember when it was cool to untuck your shirt at school and undo my top button, loosening my tie. That’s what the cool kids did, to rebel, apparently.
I remember when ‘to have fun’, we’d go to a club after having pre-drinks at someone’s house, and dance to the same sh** that played on the radio, with the same intent to get drunk, act like lunatics on the streets of Melbourne and abuse people who stood out as different.
I’m now one of those ‘different’ people. It took me some time, but I realised that being an individual is the greatest gift you can give yourself.
I know all the reasons ‘why’, in regards to the phenomenon I’m about to discuss, but it seems like external validation from peers is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever experienced.
It’s just what you do.
Since when is it cool to cat-call at women as you drive by? Or talk about ‘sluts’ and ‘cu**s’ as if they’re lesser human beings?
Since when is it cool to string a random bunch of laughs, hoots and shouts together in a public place, as if no one were around? THAT’S WEIRD! AND OBNOXIOUS!
I sat listening to a group of young men this morning, my own age, have nothing even remotely shared between them in the way of substance or meaningful conversation. The comments ranged from mildly abusive, to fairly obnoxious, to straight up ignorant and offensive.
Why? Because that’s what you do. We’re all guys, and talking absolute sh** is what you do.
You do what you’ve always done. To fit in, with what you assume is ‘cool’, or what ‘everyone else is doing’.
I was sitting back for a while, wondering what I’d like to write about, when all I had to do was sit and witness this strange series of events transpire right in front of me.
These are all good guys. I’m friends with them all. But MAN do they talk about some dumb stuff.
The reason why I get so worked up about these things — because it’s attitudes like this which fuel prejudices, the despair and insecurities associated with peer-pressure and a lot of other unnecessary negative emotions that exist in the community, if not world.
Hell, I’d even argue that its attitudes like this which disturb every single one of the people who are involved in it!
Growing up in inner-city Melbourne, it’s not uncommon to spend the majority of your teens and early twenties extending your social circle by two or three other schools.
That’s right. Schools. If you didn’t go to our school, or a neighbouring school, then who are you?
Not one of ‘us’. That’s who.
I’ll admit I was privileged enough to attend a private school — only to realise that it isolated me from a lot of really amazing people, places and experiences.
This isn’t necessarily anyones fault. It just is.
It’s a sad state of affairs, I’ll admit. But that’s what happens when you exist in an area so sheltered from world events and other cultures.
Phew, I’m so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone!
This phenomenon of external-validation…let me explain
Currently, I attend University in the first year of a degree. I’m surrounded by a variety of people, but the majority are school-leavers, meaning they’re fresh into the ‘real’ world.
Funnily enough, these people haven’t really entered it, because they’re still stuck in ‘school’ mode. Meaning that in their minds, the social hierarchy is still relevant, and you better not speak out or be different — because that’s not cool.
And even worse — it’s weird.
I acknowledge, that in a lot of people’s eyes, I am one of these weirdos.
Oh well.
I give all the slack I can to these people, because they’re yet to realise that they’re welcome to be their own person. They’re yet to develop their true identity, if they want to. It’s an intimidating change of perspective — we must give them time.
What I’m less accepting of, is this mentality in them, and a lot of other people, that ‘individuals’ are to be shunned, or minority groups are to be ridiculed.
I’m biased in that I’m constantly surrounded by people who focus on whether they’re contributing to an economy, have a decent social status or whether their friends want to talk the same crap they do. I get that I’m a little different in this way — that’s alright.
But I wish they’d just stop and think for a moment. About what they want. Not what everyone else is doing. Or what everyone else is talking about.
About what they, as their own person, actually want.
I’m sure it’s not to belittle one another. Or point out someones flaws. Or even gossip about someone else.
I hope you enjoyed this series of thoughts of mine from today — I have them a lot.
If you’d like, follow me at https://medium.com/@ethenkauiers91. Always trying to approach topics with as little ego as possible, but as much consideration as well.
