I'm sorry to grant you the right to change my ideas..
Last night, while talking to a college friend, I got stuck in my decision for this Sunday’s soul feeding recipe.
So, I abruptly started writing something that turned into a letter.
Pinning it down here!
If there’s one bit of emotion that anybody can talk about and everybody experiences, ‘that’s me’, whispers love.
And perspectives, indeed, add a magical flavour to its glory.
Mend and broken, we all have been showered! However, we always fail to address the person.
We humans can speak and write, and talk and cite. But we rarely say the right things to the right people.
Talk about your old/new friend/crush/love with probably another friend/cousins/siblings/parents, but with the person in question? No.
For some reason, I haven’t come to terms with almost ninety percent of the articles that I have read about love and some counterpart theory.
This is my version of the last stepping stone for the moment when you see yourself filled to the brim, and most importantly, voicing directly to its real audience leading to a definite darkness dim.
I knew it got over, like five years ago.
But just take out a moment. And, freeze it here. This is my last message for this is the last time that I am holding you as a friend and pouring my heart here.
While I spent my childhood with the ritual of following Bollywood movies and admiring the fairytale concept tugged along in the happily-ever-after, the scars of a few bitter experiences have shackled my faith in the concept of infinity, and interestingly, the primary scar is gifted by you, knitted in this pretty, pink package.
We met and fell for each other. I was running around in circles along with the blindfold while you jumped out and left me alone. That wasn't right.
We had a zillion conversations where I asked you to leave me and find somebody better and you instead reassured me that there’s nothing more magical in your life than my presence. That wasn't right.
We unintentionally made a list of promises. You tore the sheet intentionally. That wasn't right.
We were smiling and laughing about the craziest jokes when you always mentioned about something called ‘forever’. That wasn't right.
We were sailing through the storm when you clutched my hands to keep your balance and pushed me down. That wasn't right.
I wasn't disappointed by the breakup. I was hurt to see you write those number of pages filled with endless lies.
You could have been a little brave. You could have done it better. You could have given it a peaceful end. You could have saved me ‘cause apparently, while that relationship ended, something else did too. That was my perspective; my faith; the changes that I saw in my ideas of love and romance. And even though you must have a million reasons to justify that you couldn't have helped it, truth is, only if you wanted to.
I could have played my superhero. I could have saved myself ‘cause well, I gave you the most valuable possessions of my survival. I prized you with my trust and the right to destroy me into bits and pieces.
I'm sorry to grant you the right to change my ideas.
From a firm believer in traditional style of togetherness tied in one soul, I have changed into a scared and emotional yet a heartless monster.
From a heart filled with everything sane and wavy, I have become a blend of everything they say crazy.
From a die-hard affirmative in romanticism, I have seen myself going down to become a woman filled with truckloads of criticism.
How I wish you were able to understand me, if not as a girlfriend, but a best friend!
How I wish you tried talking to me to sort the problems instead of adding on tonnes more with the loudest assumptions!
How I wish I could tell you about the truth you never heard of!
And HOW I STILL WISH YOU ALL THE HAPPINESS OF THE WORLD!
I have tried too hard to get over.
Only if I was as lucky as you.
I have tried to hate you and be all indifferent.
Only if my heart bothered to get sewed.
I have a theory that everything and every individual in your life is replaceable, except your parents.
So, someday, I might be able to find somebody who’d accept me with these scars, and someday, I won’t remember you like I now do, and someday, I might forget this last letter, and someday, I won’t feel the void that you left behind.
Till then, this is all I have to send you; a collection of words to apologise and be grateful!
Yes, thank you for unknowingly converting me into the person that I am today.
Even though it’s not a happy face phase, I have learnt things that have made me much more stronger and wiser. Probably bitter as well, but I’d manage that too.
She’s beautiful. Stick around.
Stay happy and blessed.
And god forbid, when you stand in a position like mine tomorrow, don’t feel upset or sad and send me a ‘sorry’. You’d feel as if you were at some sort of a mistake. So, even for a second in your distant dreams, you shouldn't feel guilty about anything that you have done to me.
As I say, it wasn't your fault, but mine.
I am facing whatever consequences for letting myself drain for you in the thick line.
You were a great friend. Take care.
-Your friend that always meant her ‘forever’ silently’