Taking a stand against ‘fu**ing’
Just over a week ago, I was browsing through some stories on Medium, when I found this article (written by a Miss Stella.J — a great article in fact):
After reading a series of events that sounded all too familiar to me, I left a pretty honest comment; one that seemed fairly accurate and relatable.
To my surprise (and delight), it gained quite a following. Although it’s not a topic I wish to necessarily gain great notoriety for, I wouldn’t mind giving a little more food for thought on the subject — especially as it seems of interest to a great number of people.
Where I’m coming from
Let’s set some context. I’m a 24 year old male from Melbourne, studying a degree in Osteopathy.
Lost my virginity at 16 to a girl I dated for 3.5 years, before ending things and pursuing some singledom. That didn’t last long, before finding myself in another relationship, but once that one ended…well, I thought I’d check out what ‘screwing around’ is like.
…and it was lame. 20 girls later, and it was fairly lame.
Like, the kind of lame that makes you wish you’d poured energy into things that actually pay off. Or the kind of lame that makes you cringe at moments you wish you hadn’t endured.
In fact I’ve taken 8 months off from the allure of pretty eyes and erotic thoughts, and I’ve never felt better.
But then you realise, they’re all lessons. And that’s a great thing.
There’s a lot of bullshit out there — but you buy into it, and feed into it.
A lot of people don’t realise that their mindset is subconsciously influenced by everything going on around them. Especially younger people who’ve come from a ‘pack mentality’ where peer influences mean almost everything.
Acceptance by your friends. Acceptance by people at a club or bar. Acceptance by people at University who you’d like to get to know.
And ultimately, acceptance by someone who you can form an intimate connection with.
But wait.
Fucking random people is what you do, right?
I mean, you go out, get drunk, and now you’re filled with enough ‘liquid confidence’ that you can actually bring yourself to stumble up to another person, maul their face off and go somewhere for a quick thrust to satisfy some innate sexual drive.
This is almost like phase one — which is a funny way of looking at it, since a lot of people never get past this phase. We could speculate on issues with trust, originating from parent issues and warped perceptions on the opposite sex’s purpose— but that’s easy stuff to assume.
You’re seeking more now…but without strings attached.
So you maybe had a couple of relationships when you were young. Or just fucked around. Or had a bit of both. None of it is bad, nor good — it is what it is.
You now have your own life going on, but still, sex is sex. I mean, that thing is good. And you want to keep it around…but not at the expense of your promiscuous freedom.
We now live in an age where men and women are both free to sleep with whomever they like — and that’s great.
Fuck yeah to the condom for guys!
(Although at times, not really — would you like wearing a leather glove whilst you’re trying to stroke a silk rug?)
And fuck yeah to ‘the pill’ or ‘the implant’ for girls!
(Pretty groovy you now have control over 9 months of blowing up followed by 18 years of maternal prison)
SIDE NOTE: (I hope I don’t offend anyone with these comments — it’s just my outrageous sense of humour coming through).
Like I said, we can sleep around and do whatever we like.
But why do this?
Seeing someone or having a fuck buddy has become such a common thing, you’d think people are having a great time…which is weird, because you still see the same discontent and confusion.
“You have to wait ‘x’ amount of time to text them”.
“You can’t go meeting the parents yet — you’re getting whipped”.
“I might be sending the wrong message — I hope they don’t get attached”.
“Why is he not answering me?”
“What’s her deal — she’s acting like a Psycho?”
Man, oh, man.
So now it’s both women and men who have resorted to playing games with one other.
And it leads to cluster fucks…a cluster of NOUGATY’ fucks. (See Dane Cook’s ‘Vicious Circle’ for direct reference).
A person can’t go out on a night in the city or suburbs anymore without thinking everyone has some kind of agenda to fuck them over — it is SO WEIRD!
Even using an application like ‘Tinder’, women think guys are out to fuck them over, all the time.
Like they’re waiting for you to turn around, make a casual comment, like -
“oh, by the way, I’ve played this the entire time to get in your pants, and now I’m going to drop you like a new iPhone 6 and shatter your heart”.
Yes, there’s the argument that lot of guys actually do a lot to reinforce this stereotype…which fucks it up for the rest of the honest, nice guys out there.
But oh well. Shit happens.
It’s also really ironic, as it seems to me, in a lot of ways, that a number of women are unintentionally doing a similar thing to a lot of guys these days.
Ever since people realised that a dick and balls don’t make you any better than having a vagina, a lot of women have taken a more active role in asserting their equality (although it’s still an issue — that’s what happens when you have hundreds of years of misogynistic prevalence in the majority of cultures).
Women asserting their equality is great…
…up until the point where women also fall into the mindset where they want to play the same games as men, and create headaches for both parties involved.
So now we have this casual, social attitude, where both men and women want to have noncommittal sex, without really getting ‘attached’ so much as to protect their emotional involvement with one another.
Everyone. Just get a grip.
I miss intimate sex.
And passion.
And lust.
And erotic physicality, with complete and utter comfort in the presence of another person, in my own skin.
I don’t like to ‘fuck’.
So, ask yourself this:
Why cheapen that whole experience, with forcing yourself (or myself) out there to find someone who is ‘good enough’ to half-ass a quick fuck?
If you can do the whole ‘hangout’ thing, without getting attached or hurting other people in the process — power to you.
But if you aren’t having much luck, then CHILL OUT.
I wrote an article on ‘investing energy’ and I wish I’d mentioned more on this topic— about directing energy back into yourself and positive mind-sets, rather than pouring it into superficial intimate intentions that in the long run, give jack-shit in return.
There’s plenty of time to meet those ‘special people’ who will legitimately make you lie back in awe, after the greatest orgasms you could ever experience.
And the best part?
They’ll be the best orgasms and the greatest sensations, because they’ll be with someone you legitimately connect with.
Otherwise…well, happy fishing.
If you enjoyed this piece, please leave feedback or share your thoughts — that’s the best part about a forum for discussion.
Otherwise check out some other material from me, at https://medium.com/@ethenkauiers91
