I used to write a lot of boring stuff for a living. But when I discovered that writing could be fun, it was like letting a cage full of monkeys run loose.

So, it’s ok to sound like a human?

I’m allowed use words that people actually understand?

I can use contractions? (I wouldn’t, didn’t, and couldn’t before.)

I don’t have to write like a robot?

Wait, I don’t understand!!

The monkeys were still a little confused. Robots were all they knew.

I was digging through an old hard drive the other day and found some super cheesy fluff that I wrote a few years ago — it was part of my job at the time — and it was my first attempt ever at writing for fun. (If you’ve ever seen some of the silly copy that I write for interface mockups, I think this will clear up some of that mystery.)

For a good laugh I’ll share some of this fun fluffage with you — let’s take a walk down memory lane.

I used to write a lot of stodgy scientific things. Boring abstracts and lab reports. Mostly just numbers, measurements, rows of data, obscure graphs, and the occasional big word thrown in for good measure. When I worked in the lab, writing in itself was purely utilitarian. It was all about record keeping or protocol documentation. This was Science Monkey. She didn’t write about fun things.

Then, I did a short stint as a scientific writer. I worked with doctors to coordinate clinical trial protocols for experimental therapies to treat kids with cancer. It was a lot of writing, and definitely for a good cause, but it was filled with medical terminology, measurements, and dosages. It was serious writing. It was super precise. There were stringent rules to follow. It was rewarding, but not exactly fun. This was Serious Monkey. She wrote serious stuff because little kids depended on our team. Yikes.

Then I changed my career and started working as a graphic designer. I thought I’d just be designing textile packaging, but I soon found out that I’d be doing a lot of other things too — like ironing, hot gluing, trying not to cut my fingers off with an X-acto, taking product photos, folding sheets, shopping (yeah, really), and copywriting. A lot of those things happened by default since we were short-handed, the writing part included. We didn’t have a copywriter at our company and the Marketing department was all of one person — me. We needed someone to write up glowing descriptions of our product so we could list them on sites like Amazon.

We called it “fluff.” And it needed to be, well, pretty fluffy.

We sold comforters, quilts, towels, and table linens — exciting stuff, right? I had a pretty solid knowledge of all our product, so I volunteered myself for the job.

Why not have fun with this? I’m not sure I know where to start after years of writing oh-so-precisely. Oh, whatever. Bring in Fun Monkey! She writes the fluffiest fluff ever, dammit. (At least until someone pulls the plug.)

Ugh, not that Fun Monkey.

Anyway, purge that visual. On to the writing.

Fun times with copy

Here’s some gems that I dug up for your enjoyment:

Chirp Bedding

“The Chirp Bedding Collection is a rosette-patterned cotton sateen jacquard base in a warm shade of aqua. Delicately embroidered cherry blossoms sprout along the comforter and shams, creating a subtly Asian feel. Pops of coral and chocolate colors and hand painted birds adorn the decorative pillows in this distinctive ensemble. Decorative pillows sold separately.”

Mixing technical jargon about weaves and jacquards with gardening verbiage was a challenge. I bet you never imagined your bedding sprouting, did you? Fun fact, birds on bedding is bad luck. So we just put them on the pillows.

Flowering Meadow Bedding

“Drenched in sunshine, the Flowering Meadow Bedding Collection brings a feeling of springtime into your room year around. Lively blooming flowers are printed atop a soft cotton jacquard fabric. Embroidered buzzing dragonflies with delicate butterflies and ladybugs add an extra special decorative touch. Gorgeous blooming one-of-a-kind pillows top off the ensemble. (Sold separately).”

Drenched. Yeah, I said it. You like that one? It’s like dumping a bucket of sunshine (or water) on all those flowers and bugs. That decorative pillow was really awesome though. And it did look like it was blooming, that’s not a exaggeration. See for yourself:

Butterfly Meadow Bedding

“The Butterfly Meadow Bedding Collection features a garden of winding roses painted atop a neutral canvas, creating a freshly antiqued botanical look. The trellis of blushed roses is accented by embroidered butterflies that flutter randomly amongst the vines. A pleated bedskirt in contrasting mocha color tailors the bed.”

Surprise! More flowers. It felt like there were flowers on everything we made. My biggest challenge: Floral Redundancy. How many different ways could I describe flowers without every bedding collection sounding the same?

How do men live in these bedrooms with all these damn botanicals anyway? Men, you have my sympathy.

Designing for Tweeners — give ‘em what they want

So, lets take a break from foliage…

After working there for a couple of years, they asked me to design a line of pre-teen bedding for the back to school season. I usually handled the marketing graphics like packaging, logos, etc. So I was pretty excited for a change of pace. I remember walking into my boss’s office to pitch my ideas. Among them, skull patterns for boys and girls. Yep, skulls.

My boss was just over 60 years old. He was a veteran in the industry. And at that time, I was the youngest person in the company — thus his rationale to have me to design for the pre-teeners, juveys, tweeners, tweens, whatever you want to call these 10 to 14-ish-year olds stuck in that awkward limbo between kids who play with Barbies and raging teenager mall madness. It’s pretty much pre-teen purgatory.

I still remember the look on his face, and how he shook his head in resistance.

“Skulls? We do flowers around here.”

He was so uncomfortable with the idea that kids could like such stupid things, but it made us laugh. I dragged in a few other coworkers to help reassure him.

“We’re here in the OC where kids surf and skate. Kids here love that stuff and kids in Wisconsin want to be like surfer kids. It’ll be fun.”

Give the tweeners what they want! We’re not getting a license to plaster Taylor Swift or The Biebs all over a comforter anytime soon, so we’ll give them the next best thing: Skulls! Because, purgatory.

We finally convinced (or coerced) him that it was a good idea.

Here’s that one design that scared him the most:

Skulls and Stars Bedding

“Beach skater-kid inspired, this soft microplush comforter with a grungy skull pattern in shades of grays is accented with fun splashes of blue and white stars. Reverse the comforter to reveal a dark charcoal coordinate sheeting with a mini skull pattern. Shams are a plush royal blue with small skulls sheeting on the reverse.”

I’m proud to say Skulls and Stars was the best-seller of the group. Pats self on back. The skull was massive. And splashy. Poor guy. Several of my friends’ kids got these for Christmas that year.

Pretty Skulls Bedding

“Who says the boys get to have all the fun? Perfect for your active skater girl at heart, this soft microplush comforter in pretty pink is splashed with a grungy skull pattern and accented with a larger skull motif centered in the middle of the bed. Coordinate pillows are a solid pink. Decorative pillow sold separately.”

The skater girls got their own bedding too. Skulls, with a side of girl power. It kind of looked like a zombie vomited Pepto all over a fuzzy comforter. If I could rewind, I’d go back and choose a pantone color a couple shades over. Oh well, kids like bright colors. C’est la vie.

Dots Bedding

“Dots and more dots! This fun design is a real crowd pleaser. Playful dots in shades of teal and fuchsia top an ultra soft chocolate brown microplush comforter. Coordinate pillows also in the same pattern. Decorative dot pillow sold separately.”

For the kid with a penchant for patterns and not much else. See, wasn’t that fun? Finally, I get to use an exclamation point! Let’s get crazy with punctuation, people. (That photo is awful, though. You get what you pay for with photography studios.)

Last, but not least, I’ll conclude my trip down memory lane with Guitar Bed. Wow. I seriously don’t remember writing this. Was i drunk?

Guitar Bed

“Get amped! This fun guitar themed comforter set is sure to please your rockstar in training. Soft microplush fabric in shades of dark brown and olive green are accented by a bright royal blue frame. The comforter reverses to a coordinate stripe. Shams are royal blue plush with a reverse stripe.”

And there you go — I’d reached my pinnacle of cheesedom. Rockstar in training, really? Had I been watching too many infomercials? I feel like a really douchey bro hocking workout supplements should be yelling, “Get amped!” through a bullhorn on late night tv. Or maybe the overly-enthusiastic no so funny plywood cutout folk art guy could scream it from the rooftops. Whoa, there’s a Facebook page too? What the serious… Ok back to the story. Here’s the bed:

So that’s about it. Thanks for joining me on my trip.

Maybe one day I’ll tell you guys about the time I got inspired to start writing song lyrics. But then I’d ruin the chance of my future band “Shit I Overheard at Starbucks” from taking off. I’ll have to think about that. (Actually, it’s pretty awful. So I’m really just saving you from the pain.)

In the meantime, let the Writing Monkeys run free! Fight the Robots.*

*Except when robots are clearly called for, then please don’t fight the robots. Help them do their job.

(I don’t really know how monkeys became a theme here. It wasn’t intentional from the outset. I think I just wanted to use that picture up there ^ really badly. Cute, right?)