Why Marriage is Dead in 2015

By: Anthony Holland

Valentines Day 2015, Photo by Anthony Holland of AHolla Photography

It’s no secret that in our generation the definition of love, marriage, and family is drastically different than the definition that our parents grew up with. Even with that said, no matter how much we say that we don’t; we all buy into the antiquated bullshit love story that Disney fed us when we were five years old and Aladdin showed Jasmine a, “shining, shimmering, and splendid world,” on a magical carpet ride.

I know some of you are thinking, “He takes photos of beautiful families all the time, how can he say this!?” Don’t get me wrong, some people meet their soulmate at 13 and truly have that (to those people, we all hate you!) For the rest of us, at 25 years old, I have finally had the realization that my idea of marriage may be a dying breed and here’s why we can’t all have what Aladdin & Jasmine had:

Social Media

I have a HUGE rule about social media PDA, I just don’t do it. You can call it evasive, elusive, ambiguous, whatever! The fact of the matter is, if you don’t know if it’s forever, why invite the world in to spectate? Once you label it on social media, you’re saying we are strong enough to stand through the spectating of the world… and if we aren’t, we’re going to be one of those fake couples that religiously post how happy we are, despite all our friends knowing we’re hanging by a thread. No thank you (and no thank you to the disgusting mac- and- cheese your wife is making that you incessantly post.)

Caveating on the aforementioned statement, social media also promotes the “keeping up with the Jones’” mentality. By that I mean people aren’t dating or marrying the person they want. They’re dating the image that looks good in a profile photo. They’re the people on a date and simultaneously swiping their Tinder account.

They’re dating the idea of the white picket fence and the cute couple photo that gets 200 likes, not you.

Family

Before everyone gets in a tizzy, let me make this clear… YOU ARE NOT DATING YOUR FRICKEN’ PARENTS. I have met so many people unhappy in their life because they didn’t find the love they truly wanted whether it be because of race, gender, social status, etc. At the end of the day, your family should be a support structure of love and support whether they agree with your life or not. Living a life that’s just “good enough,” because it’s what’s expected of you is just the wrong answer.

With that said, come on folks… have more respect for your family than introducing them to every flavor- of- the- week. In my opinion, family is serious. You don’t want your parents to remember every person it didn’t work with, all the awkward holiday meals meeting strangers, or the crazy one who slashed your tires. You want them to remember the person you managed to make it work with and how happy you were.

Clingy

We have all gone on a date- or two- or three with those people who just see your future as you having a past. By that I mean, after just a couple dates they feel it’s meant to be. Let me tell you, keep that shit to yourself. Maybe it’ll be a cute thing to say way down the road at an engagement dinner, but it’s not so cute two weeks in.

Stop dating the idea of someone. Just because you’re lonely or someone is physically appealing to you, it doesn’t mean you have the same ideas for life. Take the time to actually get to know someone.

Encourage them to live life, not try to hermit them inside with you- and- Netflix all the time.

The biggest of all, support their dreams even if it means less time with you. If you can’t do that, have the strength to let go so you both can find what you truly want.

We Don’t Know Ourselves

Some people can marry young and grow together, others take a little more time to learn who they are and what they value. I am just now finally attaining a state where I have an idea of who I am. The biggest realization I have had in the last few years is that we have to get to know ourselves; what makes us happy, what we are passionate about, and truly develop a life of our own before we can come together and share a life with someone else.

If you’re anything like me, marriage is one of things you want to do once; you’re not looking for an open marriage; you want to be insanely happy when you settle down. I think that only happens when you’re the best you possible- physically and mentally. Learn to be happy and fulfilled alone. You truly have to be the best you for you, before you can be it for someone else.

However, if everything else fails… we can all find us a magical Genie and wish the life we want into existence!

Originally appeared on my Blog: Beating The Pavement

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