California to be Recognized as Nation’s Largest Outdoor Firepit
In light of recent infernos flashing across the Golden State, President Trump is set to officially designate California as the nation’s largest outdoor firepit.
The classification would make California the first-ever appointed firepit in the National Historic Monument registry.
There are four fires currently blazing through Southern California. The largest is the Thomas Fire, in Ventura County — torching nearly 65,000 acres. The others are the Rye Fire in Santa Clarita, Creek Fire in Sylmar, and the Skirball Fire near Hollywood.
Trump offered his condolences in a statement early Wednesday morning.
“Thoughts and prayers to California, full of very beautiful folks who all voted for me,” said Trump. “They need my help! I will send them aid to make them great again!”
(After thorough fact-checking, editors at The Unprofessionals have found the claim that California voted for Trump to be blatantly false.)
The Skirball fire is currently torching the mountains around the 405 freeway — giving it the appearance of the hell-on-Earth highway that it truly is.
The president later Tweeted his support.
California fire crews are stretched thin across the state. Governor Jerry Brown has requested federal assistance through FEMA, while also declaring a state of emergency for Ventura County. A local state of emergency has been declared by Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti, as well.
In a swift change of heart, President Trump, disappointed in the lack of quick progress with the flames, pressed Gov. Brown for action.
When pressed by White House reporters on Friday morning, Press Secretary Sarah Sanders stated that building a wall around California is “perfectly reasonable” and within “normal protocol” for a situation like this. Adding that firepits “usually have walls.”
