Manchester City’s Machine Keeps Rolling
Since 2008, a collective eye-roll has been directed at the Eastern part of Manchester. As the Transfer Deadline closed in England on Thursday, that eye roll transformed into a collective double middle finger.
The 2019 summer transfer deadline was wild, with the red side of Manchester once again pump-faking the world with at least 38 big-name signing rumors, Tottenham cashing in their savings bonds after 18 months of playing Scrooge-McDuck, Arsenal cementing their 4th-place finish, Chelsea going full Bugs Bunny to plug all of the holes in their sinking ship, and Aston Villa embracing their inner lotto-winner, splashing out Real Madrid amounts of cash —or in their words: “We didn’t run out of money, we ran out of time.”
After the Cheeto dust settled, England’s top tier sides spent $1.4 Billion collectively, and when managers looked up from their coke-fueled shopping spree at Harrod’s, they saw the team pacing them had only grown their lead. Keeping up with the Joneses was already a tough task, but to drive home in your certified pre-owned 2017 C-Class and see that your neighbor finally put in that moat they’ve been joking about for months… is probably a bit maddening.
But this is what the Sky Blues do. Whether or not they are laundering money for Oil Barrens, City have been building towards one purpose for the better part of 10 years: Mastering Pinky and the Brain’s plan of world domination. And it appears they’ve all but done it. One season after setting multiple records for their title-winning season, Pep’s squad inched out a season long, historically close heavyweight battle with Liverpool, their lone true challenger.
City added Rodri, Joao Cancelo, and others to a team already bringing back arguably their best and most important player in Kevin De Bruyne from an injury riddled season, while their closest competitor essentially stood pat. The team that’s been methodically building an English and world power that has no equal may have put their lead out of reach — domestically, at least.
What Pep and co have done is create a machine that can’t be stopped in one offseason of obscene spending, even if every signing is perfect. They’ve created such a wide gap between themselves and the next group of competitors that the only way they can fail is by undermining themselves (see Champion’s League performances for a clear example).
Premier League clubs will have to build a machine as meticulously crafted as City’s over the course of several years to be within striking distance — and even then, the Sky Blues have been there longer, and have virtually (as their FFP allegations will tell you) unlimited streams of cash flowing into Pep’s transfer account.
In other words:
Did you just get those new AirPods the day they came out? Pep knows a guy at Apple Corporate who hooked him up 8 months ago, and he’s already given his ear wax covered and well-worn pair to his nephew. What’s more? He’ll probably tell you a handful of useful tips and tricks about those AirPods and diversifying your portfolio, and you’ll really appreciate it — god I wish he wasn’t as charming as he is condescending.
At this point, only Tottenham and Liverpool can even understand that type of “ear wax infrastructure” (TM pending), and while Spurs’ spending has put them squarely in the conversation with the top sides in Europe, they have a long way to go to show the same level of consistency on the pitch as Liverpool and Manchester City.
So where does that leave Premier League fans who want a competitive title race in a top-heavy league? Well, City have finally become the villains they’ve set out to become all along. They’re the baddies who don’t take the time to explain their master plan to poison Los Angeles’s water supply, giving you a window of time to loosen your poorly fastened bonds and say something clever like “If you want to get to the sewer system, you’re gonna have to go through me… and you better bring a plunger” (we’ll workshop it) just before you blow them away.
Instead, City just continue to quietly and robotically execute. With a chance to join their hometown rivals as three-peat Premier League Champions, City’s approach makes for an un-arousing ending, but it’s efficient and, ultimately, excellent. And if the last two seasons and this transfer window are any indication, 2020 is the year Manchester City will go from the annoying, try-hard little brother organization — who is obviously guilty of “financial doping” — on the outside looking in on the top teams, and become the club they’ve always wanted to be: the most hated and, potentially, the most supreme team in England and in the world.
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