Do you catch yourself spending too much time in the future?

Are you constantly thinking about the future and what could or could not happen? Or are you being in the present and enjoying what is happening in your life today?

One of my clients really struggled with this one. She believed if she thought through every single curveball life threw at her, she would be able to control her anxiety and fear. You probably already see the problem…there is no way to think through every single scenario that may or may not happen.

The underlying issue was she wanted more control in her life. She felt overwhelmed by work and her demanding boss. Her mother’s mental illness made it impossible for her to know what kind of mood her mother would be in when she called. She felt pulled in so many different directions she just wanted some peace and time for herself.

She thought having a plan of action for future problems was the answer. If she couldn’t control the people around her — she would control them in her mind.

When you think about it…it makes sense. You can’t control other people but you can control how you think about other people. Unfortunately, it just made her anxiety worse.

It made it worse because she developed a bias towards the future. Instead of being open and optimistic about what the future could bring, she automatically assumed it would be bad. AND, more importantly, she was unconsciously telling herself, “You can’t handle what life brings you.”

Over several months we worked on her sitting with the discomfort of not knowing what the future would bring. We talked about while she couldn’t control her mother, she could control how much time and energy she would spend on her mother’s never ending issues. We worked on setting boundaries with her mother and not taking her boss’s up and down moods personally.

Over time my client learned how to be more mindful and to recognize she can’t control the future but she can control what she thinks about in the present and that’s all she needs to focus on today.

So, where are you? Not physically but mentally. Where are you? Are you fretting and fearing what is going to happen tomorrow or next week or the week after? Or are you being present in this moment right now?