How to Embrace Being Single or

How to Thrive When You’re Single

If I could go back and do one thing differently when I was in my 20s, I would savor the periods of my life when I was single. While, I had lots of fun in my 20s, there was always a part of me that believed my life would be “perfect” or “complete” once I met “the one.”

As someone who has been married for a while, there are wonderful parts about marriage and being in a committed relationship, but there are also challenges. When I was young and single I would have these whole days to myself to do whatever I wanted and I wish I got out of my head and allowed myself to truly appreciated those moments.

Since time travel isn’t possible (yet) I can’t change the past but you have the ability to change your present. If you’re single, here’s how you can embrace this time of your life:

1) Shift your mindset about what being single means to you

Growing up we get messages from our families, friends, society and media about love and marriage. While the perception of marriage and relationships has changed in the last 50 years, there’s still an expectation for women to want to get married and have a family.

With all of these other voices and opinions it can be tough to hear your own voice and your own thoughts so you can determine what you really want for yourself. Just because your co-worker or best friends believes single = lonely doesn’t mean it’s true.

You decide what is true or not true for you. That’s the best part of being an adult, you get to decide how you think about things and then act accordingly. If you decide that to be single = sad and lonely then it will be for you but if you choose to see it as an opportunity to grow as a person, being single takes on a whole new meaning.

2) Don’t let other people’s comments get you down

I hated it when people would ask me, “Are you seeing anyone?” and then having to put that fake smile on my face and say, “No…” It drove me nuts, but guess what happened after I got married? Yep…that’s right I would constantly be asked, “When are you having a baby?”

Doesn’t matter where you are in your life, you’re going to get these kinds of questions. You can’t control the questions but you can make a conscious choice right now not to let these questions affect your sense of self.

Why someone is asking you these questions really has more to do with you them than you. So don’t let someone’s off-handed comment ruin your day or make you feel less than.

3) Do it now…don’t wait to be in a relationship

Always remember if you ever catch yourself thinking, “Once I meet someone I’ll finally take that trip to Italy” or “I’m going to finally do ________ once I meet ‘the one’” — your life is happening right now. Don’t put off your dreams or goals based on your relationship status.

You can’t assume that things will be easier or better because you’re doing it with a partner. Italy may be more romantic when you’re there with someone you love or it may not. We tend to think that things are automatically “better” when we’re in a relationship. It’s not better or worse…it’s different. And different isn’t a good enough reason not to go out and live your best life right now.

4) Embrace doing things alone

Just like in step #3 you don’t want to wait to start doing the things you enjoy until you have someone to do things with all the time. If there’s an amazing art exhibit that you want to see but none of your friends do, go by yourself.

I can’t tell you how many clients tell me they never do anything alone. They’ve never gone eaten alone, never gone to the movies alone, never took a vacation alone and I think they’re really missing out. When you do things by yourself you get to choose when you go, when you leave and how long you stay.

When you do things alone you get to make all the decisions. Most importantly, when you do things alone you’re opening yourself up to a new experience. Think about how distracted you get when you go eat with a friend, going alone allows you to really taste and savor your food. Yes, you may feel a little self-conscious and it may feel weird at first but remember you determine what “being alone” means to you.

5) Always remember you are enough — alone and in a couple

Let’s get honest, it feels good when you’re in a relationship. It validates you and reminds you that someone out there likes (loves) you and wants to spend time with you. The thing is you are who you are in a relationship or out of a relationship. You have to remember that you’re special and loveable and just because your single doesn’t negate your value as a person.

You are enough. Right now. Today.