How to Feel Good After a Bad Date

What’s that saying, “The only two things in life that are guaranteed are death and taxes.” I think we need to add on another guarantee, “…death, taxes and bad dates.” Everyone has gone on at least one bad date.

Oddly enough, the more “my friends are going to die laughing” material you have from a bad date, the easier it is to get over. Those bad dates are never fun but you can easily walk away knowing that this was not a match made in heaven.

What about the dates that should have gone well but just didn’t? You know the ones, you’ve been talking/texting for weeks and all of your conversations have been great but then you meet in person and…nothing.

You feel a little chemistry but everything you talked about over text falls flat. You try and find other things to talk about but before you know it your date has checked out. By the time you say your uncomfortable goodbyes, you feel like you just blew what could have been a real love connection.

When I’m feeling down, I love a good quote. That’s right…a good quote. Something that will lift me up and make me remember that failure is a part of life and it’s through failure that we grow.

Here’s how to feel good (even great) after a bad date using quotes:

1) Congratulate yourself for going on the date in the first place

“If you don’t try at anything, you can’t fail… it takes back bone to lead the life you want” — Richard Yates

You took a chance and went on the date…that’s more than most people even dare to do. It’s takes guts to sit down with someone you don’t know very well and allow yourself to be vulnerable and open. Now you know that this person isn’t for you but imagine if you never went on the date.

You’re never going to meet “the one” if you don’t go on dates and the more dates you go on the easier it will be for you to get over these “not so great dates.”

2) Allow yourself to feel disappointed…for a little while…

“When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.” — Ellen DeGeneres

This is a step a lot of people either get stuck in or completely skip but it’s an important step and one you need to honor. When we experience a tough emotion

like disappointment, shame, sadness, anger, we like to move on as quickly as possible.

We think, “I feel sad, that’s not good, I don’t like this, I don’t want to feel this anymore.” This makes complete sense but if you don’t allow yourself to feel sadness, it will find you and it usually tends to creeps up on you when you least expect it.

Call or go visit a good friend and allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling. Don’t be afraid because, to quote Rainer Maria Rilke, “No feeling is final.” Allow yourself to feel sad because it won’t last forever.

Now if you’re someone who tends to get stuck in this step, it’s important for you to move past the feeling and get to the next step.

3) Figure out what you can learn from this experience

“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” -Henry Ford

All of your heroes, everyone you admire, anyone who has done something unique and different has failed and failed a lot. The whole point of dating is to learn something. The whole point of dating is learning about another person! So if the date didn’t go as well as you planned, figure out why.

Was it that you assumed that because you both grew up in the same town or went to the same school that you would automatically click? Are you only going on drinks or coffee dates while you really like to be more active? Are you focusing too much on your date’s looks or occupation and not who they are as a person?

This is another time when your friends can help you out. They know you well and may be able to shed some light onto why this date didn’t go very well. Your job is to be open and allow your friends to be honest with you. No one likes to hear criticism but if you want to change and grow you’re going to have to get out of your comfort zone.

In step #2 your friends are there to tell you, “It’s his or her loss because you’re awesome.” In this step, you need your friends to be able to say, “You go into your dates with too many expectations” or “Maybe you need to ask more questions about them before you talk about yourself.”

The only way to change the future is to figure out what went wrong in the past. Allow yourself to open to some criticism and feedback.

4) Focus on what gives you confidence

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” -George Bernard Shaw

When you’re struggling in one area of your life your sense of self can really take a beating. It’s tough when work isn’t going very well or our dating life is one bad date after another. It’s really important that during these times you make an effort to focus on interests and activities that bring you joy and boost your confidence.

So if you love to play sports and you always feel great after a grueling game, join a local team or league. If you’re a creative person, take an art or sculpting class or go to the art store and buy some supplies. Whatever makes you happy and feel good about yourself — do more of it and make it a priority. The confidence you gain in this area of your life will only help you in all the other areas.

5) Get back out there

“Giving up is the only sure way to fail.” — Gena Showalter

After a bad date it’s easy to say, “That’s it…I’m done…never again.” But actually that’s the exact opposite thing you should do. If you go on a bad date and then decide to never date again that bad date takes on a life of it’s own.

That bad date starts to become the most awful, terrible, date is the history of dating because you don’t have much to compare it to and now it has become, “The date that made you stop dating forever and ever.” You start to think that you’re terrible at dating or that all potential dates will be awful.

The best thing to do is schedule a lot of dates at once. If you’re actively looking for potential partner then make it a point to schedule 2–3 dates a week. Not only will you be getting lots of practice and learning a lot about yourself, the bad dates will become a blur and the good dates…well they just might turn out to be “the one.”