How to Know if You’re Happy Enough (and what you can do about it if you’re not)
I want to share the story of Brooke.
Brooke was a client of mine who thought she had to have everything figured out before 30. She came to see me at age 28 in a panic. She was in a job she hated, a relationship she wasn’t sure about and living a life she didn’t really enjoy.
Brooke was so focused on checking things off her list and getting to the finish line — the altar, the corner office, a new home — she never stopped to think about what she truly wanted. She was worried about what she thought she should be doing. She thought if she created the “ideal life” she would be happy.
Unfortunately that’s not how things work.
You first have to figure out what makes you happy, what brings you joy and meaning and then you can find the right job, partner and/or home. AND if you want to understand what makes you happy, you have to stop looking outward and start looking inward at yourself.
Brooke and I worked on slowing her down, getting off social media, identifying what parts of her job, her relationships and her environment she liked and what didn’t she like. Once she started to uncover these things, she focused on doing more of what her happy and less of what didn’t make her happy.
I know I’m making this sound so easy but it’s not. The world we live in today makes it hard to tune out the white noise, (what your parents think, or friends, or what someone writes on Instagram or what a blog has to say about happiness) and get clear on what you want.
So how do you get clear on what you want and don’t want? You stop looking outward and start looking inward.
You start by checking in with yourself on a daily basis because if order to understand what you like and don’t like you have to be able to identify your thoughts and feelings.
Your feelings are information. They are telling you, “Psst…this activity you’re doing…you like it.” or “Hey you…this person you’re hanging out with…they make you feel bad about yourself…you don’t need this person in your life.”
Once you identify what you’re feeling, the second step is not to judge or try and make the feeling go away, simply accept it. Finally if this is a feeling that comes up often, it’s trying to tell you something which means there is something in your life you need to change.
Let’s try it right now. Stop for a moment and ask yourself these three (3) questions:
- How do I feel right now? (No judgement, just recognize the feeling)
- What’s my feelings trying to tell me?
- Is there anything I need to do? Do I need to accept this and move on or is this information I need act on?
Brooke and I did this exercise a lot. She learned how to do it on her own which made it possible for her to no longer act on feelings that weren’t true and genuine to her and how she felt. She was able to recognize she was living a life she thought she should lead vs. leading a life that made her happy.
Today Brooke is no longer in that relationship but she is still at her job, just in a different role, she has friendships she loves, she is in an apartment that makes her happy and she is no longer worrying about saving for the perfect home but traveling the world on her own. She still gets overwhelmed by life but she has the tools to manage those feelings.
Are you living a life you love or are you simply focusing on the finish line and not the journey?
