Solo Traveling
Character Reconstruction
Therapy, psychedelics, meditation… from all the available tools for self-development, I’ve never experienced anything more powerful, than traveling alone for an extended period of time.
2016–2017
During the last year, I’ve met a lot of travelers: brothers, families, groups of friends, couples… and “solo” travelers. Most of the travelers that were traveling alone shared similar qualities:
- A strong desire to catalyst a big change in their lives.
- A willingness to test themselves.
- Extreme honesty about why they are traveling.
From many of my encounters with “solo travelers”, I was left with a feeling that the person I was talking to had just jumped from an airplane (his life), or intends on doing so soon.
A New Start
There is a responsibility that comes with a new beginning: If you take the “old” you to the new point, the “new” experience will be another reflection of the old behaviors. The jump is always the start, then there is living on the other side.
2 months ago, I was in Buenos Aires Argentina. I was walking down the street, thinking to myself: “everything that’s going to happen from this moment in my life is on me.” After almost a year of being on the road, it makes no sense to credit or blame the things that are happening to my “previous” life. My old environment is gone, now it’s just me.
If my life was a national geographic special, I would say that I took myself out of my “natural” habitat and then everything changed. NO plane was going to fix my internal environment, that shitshow was on me :)
Identity Shuffle
Most of the things we say to ourselves about ourselves are complete bullshit. Prior to traveling, I had a never-ending stream of nonsense classifications running through my brain on a daily basis.
I’m more of a… person: prefers being alone, couldn’t see myself living with roommates, couldn’t imagine staying at a hostel….
I’m… (some nonsense): shy, afraid of traveling alone, not the person that can do these kinds of things…
Identity is a curse when it’s not fluid.
Traveling is the best dumpster truck. You take all the garbage you have in your head about who you think you are, and what you’re capable of and dump it daily.
There is a need to reconfigure your personality to match the changing environments. Every adaptation you make to adjust to the new environment helps trigger a personality mutation.
The more I practice change, the more my system allows me to contain it, and even desire it. I started out with “small things” such as: staying at a hostel for the first time, or going to a music festival and sleep in the woods. After a few months of growing my adaptation muscles, I decided to go and spend 5 months in South America, learning Spanish and experiencing a different culture.
After almost a year of traveling, I can review in my head the number of things I had this year that would be unthinkable prior to the start of this journey.
Is It Scary Traveling “Alone”?
A common question regarding the topic of solo traveling is: “but it’s scary doing it alone right?” And the answer is… Yes!
And this is exactly why it can offer so much.
Going on a journey by myself has positioned me in countless situations where I had to overcome whatever limitation I had. Being alone is the most uncomfortable disposition to have. Every time I change environments alone, I have to start over. Imagine the first day of school, and now multiply that nervousness by hundreds of times in one year… this was my last year.
Europe for 3 months, Canada and the US for 2.5 months, and now South America for 5 months. I’ve been afraid countless times, but I made sure that there will be more occasions where I overcame fears than not.
Loneliness
“In the end, everyone stands alone, and the important thing is who it is that stands alone.” Arthur Schopenhauer (The Wisdom Of Life)
Ironically, this year of traveling “alone” has been the richest year I had so far when it comes to spending time with others.
I’ve met more people and made more connections than I have during the last 25 years prior combined. However, solo traveling poses a great challenge: being away from the people you care about for a long period of time by “yourself”.
Loneliness is definitely present in solo traveling, however, it was present in my “normal” life as well… in fact, a lot more. Although I had my family and old friends near me, I was lacking a lot of connection in my life. Mostly connection to how I want to live, and what makes me feel good in life.
Traveling has been the best medicine I’ve experimented with in addressing that lack of connection.
Honesty is a great facilitator for connections, and the time frame of a “traveler” makes you jump into the “honesty pool” faster than usual. Hiking with a group of travelers on some mountain, sleeping in tents for a week at a festival, or sharing an apartment for a few days/weeks with “locals”, can be the traveling equivalent of being in a war with someone. The more I share my story with others, the more I’m aware that every time I’m performing a dynamic therapy session with the partners involved. There is great power in meeting “strangers” and sharing your story with them in a matter of hours/days.
“There are two modalities of knowing: The knowing, and the knowing about.” Eckhart Tolle
Bypassing the normal society bullshit of: “what do you do/study?” crap… and jumping to: “why are you traveling? how do you use this tool?”… changes the interaction immediately from exchanging information to exchanging life experiences.
I’ve had conversations with “strangers” on buses/trains/hostels/restaurants, that were more engaging and moving than most of my daily interactions for months in my “daily life”. This makes my “lonely” moments navigation feel like a boat that hit a rough day at sea but surrounded by other boats that are making similar journeys. Every time I feel like I’m deserted on an island by myself, I try to remember the boat analogy as fast as possible.
Adversity
“He that wrestles with us strengthens our nerves, and sharpens our skill: our antagonist is our helper.” Edmund burke (An Iron Will)
“Shit hits the fan” moments are quite common on the solo traveling menu.
A few weeks ago I got bit by a street dog in Chile and had to get an antibiotics IV at 3 am in a weird clinic. Having to find hospitals in South America to administer 5 vaccinations has been an interesting experience. This situation, or any other crazy traveling challenge that might occur, has made me ask this question quite frequently: “why am I doing this?” followed by: “can’t we just go home where there are normal hospitals and no street dogs??”
Recently I spent a week in an apartment with 9 students (Spanish course) at a small village in Colombia. One of the students got food poisoning on the first day from the local “we don’t give a shit about hygiene” place. It took 3 days, and 4 of the 9 students (including myself) got sick and the week was became a challenge. I was resting in the hammock one day thinking: “why am I traveling? why is this good?”
That situation has qualified immediately as a “motivation test”. Do I truly want to create change in my life, or am I going to give up whenever a challenge arises?
Adversity is incredibly valuable in the process of inquiry: if my motivation is not being challenged, how can I know how resilient it is? or even if it’s there at all…
4 months ago I was volunteering at a farm in Uruguay: my host Margarita told me to “shuffle that pile over there”, and then said: “do you know what that is?… that’s horse shit(:”
Adversity is the “horse shit” that goes into the compost of our personality. Everything needs to be recycled to make the soil of our character fit for producing fruits. The point is to make sure it goes into the recycle bin, and not being wasted.
Happiness
A frequent question I’m being asked is: “are you happy now?”
To simplify the situation I say: Yes! I’m a lot happier traveling than I ever was in Israel. but a more descriptive answer will be: “happiness has never been more consistent in my experience than it has for the last year. But like any emotion, it’s not the only wave in my ocean.” I’ve had a lot of challenging moments, and sometimes weeks where I was running very low on happiness fuel.
Traveling has a very unique quality: it tunes you to yourself. For the first time in my life, I feel I have an understanding of what is good for me, and what isn’t. The more I challenge my happiness, I develop my understanding of the people/places/activities that are making me feel happy. The best way of putting it will be: I’m a lot more educated on what it means to be happy. I finally have a grasp on how to cultivate happiness in me and maintain it.
Researching Your Emotions
“Research your pain, you will ultimately not be safe from being too safe.” Ido portal
In the summer of 2016, a friend from Israel and I were supposed to spend 2 weeks together in 2 festivals in Europe. We spent a week in a forest in Croatia, and after that, my friend decided to return to Israel. I had to decide if I’m going to continue alone to the south of Hungary, and spend another week in the second festival.
Going to a festival like this was getting my feet into the mud of life (literally).
Testing my loneliness muscles for that week was an experience I‘ll never forget. Sleeping alone in that tent, pushed my limits: I was surrounded by tens of thousands of people, but felt pretty lonely for the majority of the week. The plan with my friend had changed, and I needed to decide if that fact will change my attitude for that week. Every change challenges my happiness, and every time there is a necessity to address the unhappiness that arises.
Failure in happiness is the biggest failure in life.
I was successful in many things in my life in Israel, but never in my capacity to be consistently happy. This “traveling episode” is my way to make sure there will never be such a long chapter again where I’m so helpless in generating positive change in my life.
The Man In The Glass by Peter Dale Wimbrow:
“When you get what you want in your struggle for self, and the world makes you king for a day. Just go to the mirror and see what that man has to say.
He’s the fellow to please — never mind all the rest. For he’s with you, clear to the end. And you’ve passed your most difficult, dangerous test if the man in the glass is your friend.“
Traveling alone is the greatest education on how to study yourself and as a result, befriend yourself. I recommend this tool to anyone who’s interested in massive changes in their life.
This is not just an isolated tool, it’s the ultimate arena for reconstructing your character. If you need some construction work, please buy a ticket immediately, and let the tractors begin the job :)
If you liked this post: press the heart/share, and like the Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/vagaex/ so it can reach more people.
