Duped Again On New Years Day

The streaming video was delayed by 5 minutes, leaving me celebrating by myself, just after wondering what all the fuss was about. Meanwhile, down at the resort, a guest was firing off mortars while the staff applauded from the balcony. Later he recounted with glee the moment he almost blew his hand off while attempting to circumvent an unfortunate explosion, and suddenly I realized he was describing my entire life. I didn’t mean to spend eternity walking intrepidly in graceful patterns around mine fields, and was even more surprised to learn that I was the one who buried the worst offenders, mistaking them for roses, or maybe for Robert E. Lee. My breakfast half eaten, I ran off to the cleaners, suddenly remembering a borrowed tie…