How Becoming a Mom Made Me a Better Professional
And why we should give more opportunities to mothers
I had a baby during the pandemic and I took a break to focus on my family last year. This was not an easy move for me, because I always knew that I was a career-oriented person, and the uncertainty around what would happen when I return was making me anxious. But being pregnant during a pandemic and a heatwave, and giving birth after a 23-hour labor, I had no choice. I needed the time to recover, as well as care for my newborn.
Little did I know, having a baby has empowered me, enlightened my passion for work, and changed the way I see the world.
The idea of me taking a break from my career came with a slew of doubt and uncertainty about my future. I knew that often, women’s careers get stalled when they go on maternity leave and that they have had to start all over again when they return to work.
“When a woman decides to leave to build her family and to go on mat leave, that’s when you see men climb up faster and then women almost do a restart when they come back from the leave.” (The Feminist Review of Future of Women’s Work by Stephanie Kwan)
I also knew that after becoming a mom, I’d risk getting sidelined from promotions and pay raises due to the assumption that my priorities have shifted and I am not as committed anymore. I knew I would have to make the choice between spending time with family and spending time at work because if I wanted professional growth, the higher I would go, the more time I would spend away from family.
However, taking a break to raise a family was the most fulfilling and important decision of my life, not just because of the societal significance of raising a child, but because it has unleashed skills and capabilities that I did not realize I had.
Stay-at-home parents do not have it easy.
There is a common misconception that stay-at-home moms (and sometimes, dads) have it so easy, watching their soap operas, having lunches with friends, and having just oodles of free time in a day. Often, stay-at-home moms are shown on TV as those with effortlessly immaculate homes and manage to go on outings and adventures (weirdly, sometimes without their children present, or having to go through stress to organize a sitter).
I did not understand the extent of it until I was at home with my newborn. Managing a functioning household as a stay-at-home parent is a major undertaking and I have never been challenged to this extent in my years of work experience. Aside from the emotional ups and downs, there is a radical change in your lifestyle with the birth of a child. Sometimes, it seems like you might have more time, being away from work, but in reality, you have no time. This experience has helped me learn to manage my time, maximize the hours in a day, and now, procrastination is a thing of the past for me.
Becoming a mom has empowered me
Aside from better time management skills, being pregnant and bearing a child was a physically and spiritually transformative experience. It has shown me how powerful women are — being able to create, bear and raise a child. Through this realization, I was able to wipe away the self-doubt and I became more confident and trustful of my instincts. I am more vocal as a result.
I also have more drive and passion for my work, mostly because I want the world to be a better place for my daughter when she grows up and this has renewed my passion for why I decided to do social impact work in the first place.
I am fortunate enough to be able to go back to work, thanks to a supportive husband and living in a country with access to parental leave (even if it is partial pay), but I know not everyone has this privilege. Through my experience, I see that mothers have so many transferable skills to offer and I cannot imagine if I had to throw away all this drive and potential just because of the many issues that drive women away from the workforce such as non-flexible hours, lack of paid maternity leave or high costs of childcare.
We are missing out on so much potential by not making workplaces equally accessible to women with families.
Leveling the playing field
Many moms I have spoken to have had similar experiences and report becoming more organized, having developed confidence in speaking, and perfecting juggling multiple priorities at the same time. However, these moms often felt like their experiences would not be taken seriously and be considered legitimate experience in a job interview. (Lived experience is still experience.)
Even when it does get taken seriously, one mom in my mommy group reported being offered a promotion but having to turn it down because she knew it would require her to spend more time away from her child. This is one of the reasons why women continue to get paid less than men — because higher-level jobs mean less flexibility.
Another major barrier to women working is the high costs of childcare. Often, women choose to stay home because yearly childcare costs in some cities can add up to one parent’s salary for the year.
Why do those that put family first (often women) get penalized for putting family first? Because society continues to devalue care work and deems conventional paid work to be more important.
“The pandemic has spawned national recognition that care work is essential and underpins our daily lives and economy. However, it has also exposed the low social value attached to care work and, ultimately, women’s work” (Faraday, 2020).
How can we all help?
Through my experience, I have realized that we are missing out on so much talent and skills by systemically pushing mothers out of the workforce - by not providing flexibility at all levels of the organization, by high costs of childcare in cities, by undervaluing how challenging care work can be.
We also need to recognize that women’s care work experience is still experience that is transferable to conventional work. We need to systemically remove the barriers that impede women’s career growth and give the opportunity for women to balance their work and life at all levels. Women should not have to choose between a career/financial stability and a family.
I dream of a world where prioritizing one’s family is not disadvantageous to getting a promotion. That you are not ‘losing career time’ by doing care work at home. Or that you are not assumed to be any less committed or passionate towards your job just because you have a family. I dream of a world more friendly to mothers, families, and the future.
Peace and serenity to you.
P.S. If anything positive came out of the pandemic, it is this. Some employers have realized that remote work and flexible hours do not mean less productivity and might even mean higher morale and motivation. This is true for people with families as well. Giving women the flexibility to choose working from home and to plan their own schedules to suit their lifestyles will benefit everyone.
Another amazing movement happened around the end of 2021, when #ShowUsYourLeave was trending and companies were openly presenting their family leave policies and benefits on social media. This movement was an effort to drive more workplaces to start providing benefits to families.
Once workplaces start opening up again, let us not retreat to our old ways. Let us use this momentum and provide more flexibility and freedom to everyone including mothers.
