How To Communicate With a Narcissist if You Still Have To

Here is how to handle a narcissist if you can’t break contact

Photo by Josh Eckstein on Unsplash

With a sudden burst of emotion, he breaks into tears, uttering, “The only thing she wants is for us two to make up and get along.” Surprisingly, the mediator and his former girlfriend show no reaction, leaving him to cry alone. An observer unaware of the context might perceive a loving father expressing his emotions for his daughter, thinking the others are cold-hearted for not responding sympathetically. But those familiar with Jim would discern that while the tears are sincere, they aren’t about his daughter; they are, as all the emotions he shows, for himself.

No contact isn’t always an option

Those of us who have experienced emotional and/or physical abuse will know how difficult it is to break free, break contact. Even victims who go through years of recovery, rebuilding confidence and building out new lives may find themselves tempted when that out-of-the-blue text message arrives, asking for “another chance”. And as a side note, most of us will give in a few times even; this has nothing to do with weakness but our belief in the good in people and their ability to change.

But absolutely no contact, that kind where you can pretend the abuser doesn’t exist anymore, is rare. Unless we move to another country, it may be hard, even impossible, to disentangle our lives and detach ourselves. Women’s aid says that in 2017, 61.7% of women in women's shelters, had children with their abusive ex/partner. So more often than not, it is impossible to completely block out the narcissist in your life. Here is a step-by-step guide on the second best option of communicating with narcissists, the option when you still have to have some form of contact.

1. Learn about their tactics

The most important step to being able to communicate is to know and be able to recognize all the different abuse tactics narcissists use. It’s harrowing. Most of us will not be able to recognize any or all of their abuse tactics if we are swept up in the middle of the toxic rollercoaster that these relationships are. But, once we come out of it and start educating ourselves, the painful awakening…