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Self-Love Is the Opposite of Narcissism
This realisation may be the key to truly practising self-love
After coming out of my relationship with a narcissist, I had a lot of inner work to do. I went through different therapy sessions and support groups and read a lot of books. Anyone who has ever read a self-help book or seen a talk on self-development will agree that self-love is right up there at the top of the list of “practices that will transform your life.”
But the ‘how exactly,’ and ‘how to make it stick’ have always been somewhat elusive to me. Quite often, self-love gets mashed together with self-care and practical tips may not turn out all too practical if you cannot afford to “treat yourself” consistently. But even if the exercises and actions are free, it can feel like a lot of effort to practice with the rigour and consistency that the self-development industry tells us we have to put into it.
It’s me, just me, me, me, me.
When I was doing regular therapy sessions my therapist gave me “homework.” Letters I should write to my inner child, journaling, or even drawing. Maybe the fact that he called it ‘homework’ was what triggered my super-power in procrastination, but maybe it was the same mental block that kept me from truly and fully embracing self-love.
I did my ‘homework’ half-heartedly in-between chores, just before the sessions. Then I cancelled sessions, and then I stopped therapy altogether. The truth was that self-love exercises felt icky. A ‘chore’ I had to do to bounce back, an activity to kill boredom. At best it was ill-tasting medicine that I had to swallow to cure my mind. But I never really enjoyed it.
I understood the idea, of course, and how the effects wouldn’t kick in immediately but slowly, unnoticeable. I knew that I had to put the effort in and I did eventually see and enjoy the results. But, I also knew it had to be measured carefully. The last thing I wanted was to overdose and turn into a narcissist.
I had to love myself unconditionally, but remain realistic about my strength and weaknesses. Love my appearance, but not become vain. Spend more time with me, on me, without neglecting others. Make myself a priority, while constantly reminding myself that…
