Why We Should Challenge the Directive to Protect Men’s Masculinity

We owe them — and ourselves — more

Photo by Ashutosh Sonwani from Pexels

When I grew up, there was one lesson I learned about male-female relationships that I was taught to prize above all others: to never threaten or diminish a man’s masculinity. The adults in my life — my dad, in particular, though not exclusively — reinforced this message over and over again.

What did this mean? They gave me very specific examples:

• Don’t criticize a man in front of others.
• Don’t criticize a man in private, but if you do, do it gently in a way that doesn’t make him think you don’t respect him.
• Don’t express authority over a man under any circumstance.
• Don’t say no to a man who asks you out unless you have a reason that won’t hurt his feelings.
• Don’t say no to a man who initiates sex. (If he thinks you want sex, that’s on you, after all.)
• Don’t ever tell a man what you want or like in bed — that will make him feel like a bad lover.
• If you don’t have an orgasm, don’t tell him — that will also make him feel like a bad lover.

I could add so much more to the list, but you get the picture.