Why Women Stay with Abusive Men

It’s hard to leave when you can’t find the door

Suzanna Quintana
The Virago

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The running assumption about women who stay in abusive relationships is that they must be weak. Broken. A bit pathetic.

And a special kind of stupid.

Hi. It’s me. I’m the problem, it’s me.

As if we’re all Little Red Riding Hoods too dense to notice Grandma’s hairy face, long nose, and carcass breath.

As if the wolf is there for all to see except for the woman about to be his next meal.

But that’s not how abuse works.

If abusers showed themselves right from the word go, there would be a helluva lot less victims of those abusers.

Or, maybe, none.

Hey nice to meet you! Just to let you know before you fall in love with me that I plan on lifting you up to the heavens in the beginning before systematically ripping your spirit and self-worth to shreds so that you’ll look up to me from the hell I’ve put you in. — Said no man to a woman on a first date ever

This explains why women who are strong, capable, and successful at the beginning of an abusive relationship end up feeling the complete opposite at the end of one.

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Suzanna Quintana
The Virago

My voice is my superpower. Editor-in-Chief of The Virago. Founder of The Online Sanctuary for Healing After Narcissistic Abuse. www.suzannaquintana.com