The ability to literally laugh at your own jokes
Dads everywhere will be rejoicing because there is now a way for them to post something and literally laugh at it themselves. Because let’s face it, no-one else will. Not that it’s stopped them before.
If you listen closely, you can hear him clicking the laughing emoji from here
The new lingo
Speaking of which, how do we talk about these new emojis? Are we going to start hearing “someone angered my post”? Or “Jeremy shocked my profile picture”. That sounds like something I should report to the police. And no, sadded isn’t a word people. Plus, I don’t want the word ‘reacted’ in my notifications. It sounds like someone has had an anaphylactic reaction to a peanut after reading my post.
A LOT OF CONFUSION
What happens if I put an angry face on my friend’s photo of his new dog? What does that even mean? What if someone reacts with a shocked emoji to a picture of me at the beach, are they shocked at how good my day is? Are they shocked at my lack of tan? Are they shocked at how fat I’ve become, am I too thin, are they shocked I have friends, are they shocked I bought a sweet potato and cashew dip to the beach — WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?
No more liking someone else’s death
Thankfully, we can ditch the Facebook awkwardness around bad news or when someone dies. No more questioning what message “liking” someone’s death means. Now you can head straight for the sad or angry emotion.
New pressures for best friends
It’s an unspoken rule that you are required under the close friend contract to like your friend’s new profile picture. What happens now? Have the terms changed with the new buttons? Is liking it enough now? Am I forced to love it? Or be shocked at how much I enjoy it? Prepare for passive texts messages.
Sarcasm
Imagine your friend posts a status that’s a little on the lame side. Being the petty bastard you are, instead of simply scrolling past and rolling your eyes, you can now whip out the ‘wow’ button, and punch her with a bit of a sarcasm.
RIP the phrase “how many likes did you get”
How many reactions did you get? Yeah, nah. Instead of quickly glancing at your likes, you now have to run your friend through the whole bloody rainbow of emotions. “So I got 3 likes, 2 loves, 4 shocks and Aunty Thelma is angry again”.
The LOL effect
Ever had a parent or grandparent put their foot in it by replying to a solemn message about someone’s death with LOL thinking it meant lots of love? Now there’s another six ways for them to misunderstand the basic rules of the internet.
Grandma you don’t know the half of it
Constant existential crises
Previously, something that vaguely made you laugh, smile or think would warrant a like. Easy. With reactions, we have to employ an in-depth psychoanalysis of our own emotions. Do I like that? Do I love it? Am I laughing more than I’m enjoying it? HELP.
Yay, we can finally publicly hate every post about Donald Trump in one simple click
A new wave of trolls, sadists & internet fights
Some reactions are clearly not right for certain posts. Imagine someone posting a headline about 5 dead dogs found in the park, and someone reacts with the laughing emoji? The new emojis bring the weirdos from the comment sections to the emoji bar, picking out the trolls or sadists amongst your friend group. Prepare for bitter Facebook feuds. Imagine your old school mate laughing at a death in your family. World wars have been started over less.
And finally, 6 new ways for your annoying friend Ashley to get her post back on the news feed
Shut up Ashley.
Originally published on The Vocal by Cameron Nicholls
