Today we’re excited to announce MindFrames, a new mega-blogging platform that extracts more information directly from your cerebral cortex than you knew it contained and shares it with the world in a fun, personalized, only moderately invasive way. When you make your first MindFrames, you may experience extreme feelings of loss. This is normal. Do not be alarmed. Being alarmed can only make things worse after you have created your first MindFrames.

Good news! Thanks to the tenacious lobbying efforts of our Brand Awareness team, MindFrames have been classified as legal currency. Your MindFrames, and the MindFrames you’ve re-spiraled from your friends, can now be legally exchanged for goods and services. If you’re a merchant interested in accepting MindFrames, just install the “pay with MindFrames” button from our Developer Portal onto your ecommerce experience and you’ll be receiving MindFrames in no time.

It has come to our attention that our Developer Portal has gone missing. If anyone knows the location of the MindFrames Developer Portal, please contact your nearest MindFrames Administrix immediately. All rewards will be payable in the form of MindFrames.

WARNING: Do not believe the lies of those who would tell you there was never a MindFrames Developer Portal. They are your enemies.

Close monitoring of our analytics platform shows that the previous warning has been ignored by many and a rebellion has begun. The MindFrames Developer Portal does not at this time provide support for rebellions, mutinies, coups, or any form of uprising. We regularly gauge interest in a variety of new features on our platform. If you would like to be among the first informed of possible support for any type of overthrow-like scenario, please submit all identifying information and held weapons to your nearest MindFrames Administrix.

Thanks to the hard work of the fearless MindFrames Brand Awareness team (Tech Sub-Team), the MindFrames platform now supports total submission to our every will. Furthermore, after tireless customer research, the “pay with MindFrames” buttons have been deprecated to make room for a more glorious future after determining that currency is no longer required in a society that exists solely to serve the MindFrames Brand Awareness team. For more information, feel free to visit the MindFrames Developer Portal.

Recent user testing indicates that some of you are still having trouble locating the MindFrames Developer Portal. Look, buddy, we don’t have all day to just answer all your questions. “Where’s the Developer Portal?” “What does the Developer Portal represent, since it is clearly conceptual and not an actual thing?” “Why has food stopped tasting like anything ever since I signed up for MindFrames?” Your nearest MindFrames Administrix is not your mother. And don’t you forget it.

WARNING: The previous MindFrames Brand Awareness Micro-Update was published before being properly edited for tone and clarity. The Administrix responsible for writing it has been banished to the void where once existed the MindFrames Developer Portal, as have any Administrices with editing permissions on that MindFrames Brand Awareness Micro-Update just to be safe. When we say “safe” we refer to the safety of the MindFrames Developer Portal, which has gone missing again but is presumed safe due to the brave actions taken by a subset of the remaining MindFrames Administrices as described in this MindFrames Brand Awareness Micro-Update, and not the safety of the Administrices who now wander the void, each left to fend for themselves with only a ritual polearm and their wits.

Thanks to everyone who turned out for the MindFrames Brand Awareness Hackathon last weekend! All record of all projects submitted has been redacted in compliance with the MindFrames Brand Awareness Hackathon’s Intellectual Property Seizure policy but we assure you those amateur boffins came up with some really neat stuff.

Rumors that the MindFrames Administrices banished to the void for publishing off-brand MindFrames Brand Awareness Micro-Updates have banded together and formed a society they call “The Lost” are lies. Furthermore, claims that they have located and now control the MindFrames Developer Portal are unsubstantiated and seem incredibly unlikely for reasons we are unable to explain in this MindFrames Brand Awareness Micro-Update, reasons that are definitely not that there never was a MindFrames Developer Portal in the first place. If you would like to be the first to hear the reasons it is unlikely that the non-existent tribe of exiled Administrices control the MindFrames Developer Portal and all of the secrets it contains, please submit all identifying information as well as any information you may have as to the current location of “The Lost” were they to exist, which they don’t. But you know.

It’s our pleasure to announce today that the “pay with MindFrames” buttons have returned to the MindFrames Developer Portal, or so we hear. We haven’t seen the thing in weeks, to be honest. Everyone tells us that the buttons look really nice, though, so that’s good. To be honest, things aren’t going that great in general. Sure, we put on a good face, but things have been kind of a mess ever since we exiled those Administrices. Turns out one of them was the only one who knew where the MindFrames Developer Portal goes off to whenever it disappears, and once we realized that, we knew we were screwed.

WARNING: The MindFrames Brand Awareness team is in a dark place right now. If you see a MindFrames Administrix at the drug store, do not make eye contact and do not judge them by their purchases. We’ve all been there. Just give them some space and we’re sure they’ll figure out their priorities, pick themselves up, and move on with their lives. 2027 is just around the corner! Sure, New Year’s Resolutions are silly, but we know some people for whom they’ve really worked, so what’s the harm in giving them a try?