We’ve become terrible first dates.
“Internet dating huh,” he said.
“Yep, people are just cards to collect now.”
This Bumble guy was someone I’d matched with many times before we finally spoke. Online, we lazily admitted that we were each other’s type but the second we met in person, there was absolutely no attraction. Why did we stick it through for two hours? I don’t know. Maybe because Bumble said we matched and there had to be something there?
“Do you get dates more in person or online?”
He squinted and I wondered if he was high.
“Fifty-fifty. It’s usually first dates only on apps though.”
His slurred words made me think. How many first dates had I been on?
He was actually the second first date that week and thanks to the culture of dating apps, I’d planned a third for next week. There’s a whole new meaning to always being on your phone.
The rhythm for the past year has been swipe, converse and on to the next first date.
But dating apps like Tinder and Bumble have unjustly built a bad foundation for first dates. The bar for chemistry and compatibility is now extremely high. We don’t settle for potential. The in-person match is expected to be as instant as a notification.
I’ve pulled out my phone to swipe on my way home after a really good date instead of texting my date. In my head, I thought, if that first date was good, then what about the other ones I’ve been looking forward to?
“Have you seen the Burning Man temple?”
We walked to the temple and I asked if he’d written anything on it.
“Want to?” I handed him a pen that I’d found.
He gave a smirk and wrote, “Hi.”
I guess that was our half-hearted attempt to make the date romantic.
The guy was really physically attractive and so I agreed to go up to his apartment. Thankfully the elevator ride was silent enough to give me time to think.
“What the fuck am I doing with my life…”
Once we got to his place, I went straight to the bathroom, got my shit together and awkwardly excused myself to go home.
Even after the second round of drinks, there was no chemistry. Maybe the date would’ve gone better if we weren’t looking for something instant. Or maybe if I hadn’t been socially exhausted from the first date the night before…
On a subconscious level, first dates don’t get the respect they deserve anymore. Somehow they’ve gone from being a catalyst to a foreshadow of an end result. Instead of working on a relationship, we split our attention and affection between profiles looking for a ready made one.
The funny thing is that the Hollywood romance spark is based on the basic human desires to be loved. But like Hollywood immediacy, we don’t want to work for it, not unless we know there’s a happy ending. So we just swipe, be a terrible first date and then go back to swiping.
Or it could be that I’m just not a good date.
