Juggling Chainsaws : the Volunteer’s Curse
It is said that volunteering can be the most rewarding thing you’ll ever do in your life. To a certain extent that’s probably true — It’s one of the few times were simply making an effort is enough to benefit a cause, and that warm (often obnoxiously) fuzzy feeling you get right after is downright addictive. That being said, as with any addiction, volunteering has it’s down sides. The buzz you get from doing something simple eventually fades away, and you end up doing more and more to get that same fix. In the grand scheme of things, this is great — volunteers seeking to do more can only help society at large, and it does. The problem, as with most big pictures, is that we often overlook the wear and tear of the small cogs that make the machine work. This sort of thing takes its toll, just like anything else I suppose, on the individual, which is nothing new, but we often overlook the downsides of volunteering, and how we can overcome these downsides is spoken about even less.
Now, I’d be lying if I said I only volunteered for the feel good factor. As I’ve discussed previously I’m no saint, and hardly want people thinking otherwise. I am particularly ambitious (some would say to a fault), and more often than not I do things solely on the grounds that this will benefit me in the long term. Yes, I do pick the organisations based my desire to give back for everything they have done for me, which is why my main focus and experiences come from Scouting and Malta Rugby. That being said, I won’t do absolutely anything that’s asked of me and will generally put myself forward only for the jobs that are in line with my long term goals.
To put you in the picture, I’m a Communications Student at the University of Malta, who dreams of a marketing career. This means that I’d normally sign up for the jobs that revolve around the realms of marketing, be it PR, event management or simply writing and/or proof reading newsletter articles. I like to think that I volunteer because I can help most in those areas and the experience benefits are just an added bonus, but, as time goes on, I realise more and more that my own personal ambitions are the driving factor. More and more I find myself going for the jobs that generate exposure and fulfill my desire to advance up the ladder. (Just in case any potential employer sees this during the mandatory pre-interview googling, I see this as a strength).
Then again, do you blame me? Almost every other post I see on my feed is a joke, meme or article on how University Graduates aren’t finding work or at least not in their field of study. As I come closer to the end of my University Career, I find myself increasingly worried (borderline terrified) that, when I am let loose into the working world, I won’t find a job, or at least a job in my area of study. Now, most of these articles are based on the U.S. and the E.U. countries worse hit by the recent recession (Granted it was in 2008, but it is still felt now), and Malta has maintained great employment numbers, but the numbers don’t show the fields or whether students are actually finding work in their fields or simply taking whatever job they can. I could probably find a job in my field straight away, but at the bottom of the ladder, which would mean that I might as well have never gone to University. In lots of areas, University courses just don’t cut it any more so instead of grumbling about the system, I made the choice to try and gain that additional experience in the best way I knew — Volunteering. I know that some of you may be applauding the idea on the basis that this is a great way to contribute to the community, even though I’m benefitting from something which is traditionally viewed as something purely altruistic. That’s how I’d like to think of it too… at least to clear my conscience on the matter because I still feel like I’m gaming the system and doing it more for my own gain than for others’ benefit..
Now, with the long winded introverted look at my own psyche (or psychosis… your choice) out of the way, I should really get back on topic. What I was trying to say is that, regardless of why you’re doing it, there are still a few downsides to volunteering, some more severe than others. I’m positive it varies from person to person, but here are mine
Cue the Sub-Headings…
Alienating your Friends… and Family…
My friends are, thankfully, very supportive of my madness, but this does not mean they get what I do. God knows how many times I’ve cancelled plans to be able to attend some meeting or other, and skipped out on a night of Pizza and Movies to prepare for some event that I volunteered to organise all on my lonesome. Between the club work for Rugby and the random events we come up with at scouts, I don’t go out as often as I’d like to (although my liver is considerably happier for it). I have made countless friends through all these activities, but my closest friends, the ones that are more siblings now than buddies, they have to put up with me not making it to birthdays, parties and simple gatherings just to be somewhere else.
It’s more my problem than theirs, I’m missing out on many things, and it’s not the first time I’ll meet the gang where every conversation starts with “You should have been there George, it was a blast!” or “We missed you buddy!”. It’s not that I didn’t want to be there, but when you’ve given priority to all these other activities, you can’t stop everything just to grab a beer.
Then there’s my family. I have the millennial blessing of parents who probably won’t kick me out of the house, though my dad has jokingly (I hope) brought it up at every opportune moment, recently. Just because I live with them, it doesn’t mean I spend nearly as much time with them as I’d like. My mother is the first to complain that I don’t do anything at home (the Christmas lights still haven’t gone up!), and how I only come home to eat (read; devour) their food, sleep and ask for money. She does have a point, I’m rarely home, and when I am, I lock myself in my room to catch up on all the work I’m behind on, or vegitate because I’m exhausted. Needless to say I’m not going to be a nominee for ’World’s Best Son‘ anytime soon. I’m just not around enough, nor am I as dedicated to stuff at home as I am to everything else… and when you sign up to so many things, it only becomes even harder because…
Free Time is no longer your time.
Oh how I long to get home from uni, sit down…and catch up on the 5 new email threads that came in over this, that, and the other which the organising committee has planned. Of all the people I know, I’m probably the most addicted to my phone, not just because of the memes and articles I just have to read (ok, maybe just a little bit) but when you’re working with volunteers, there’s no designated working time. Things come in at all hours of the day, because the people you’re working with have their own lives, and just like you, will fit in the work where they can, It makes sense, but you find yourself needing to be available to respond no matter what (although that could just be me and my OCD about notifications).
When you’re not planning the next event, you’re prepping for it, and eventually working it. Weekends are just an extension of the week, minus the lectures. You’re at the headquarters/clubhouse, working on yet another project, and it does feel great to do, but it often ends up being a time vacuum. The number of personal matters I put on hold to be able to stay on top of everything had best not be brought up.
Obviously you’re not volunteering 24/7. You do have other priorities.
In my case it’s getting that coveted piece of paper called a degree. So yeah, apart from my voluntary commitments, I’ve necessarily got to fit in all the course work you’re expected to do at home, which means (in my case at least), that you’re up till stupid o’clock, the night before a deadline trying to eke out a few extra hours in which to pump out words like your life depends on it, which to an extent, it does. Even then, as I sip at my fourth cup of coffee in as many hours, with the occasional glance at my nice cosy bed, I’m still thinking about that project we’re working on at Rugby while I write this.
If I had to give advice to anyone mad enough to get involved in what are essentially extra-curricular activities, at any level other than “I show up, do what I’m told and then have a beer”, it would be that time management is essential, that you and sleep will become distant acquaintances and most importantly, that you should get ready to make serious budget cuts. Speaking of which, one of the worst bits about being a “career” volunteer is…
You’re constantly broke.
As I’ve already mentioned, volunteering comes in many shapes and forms, but there are two factors which are constants (like gravity);It eats away at your time and you do it for free. Not to say that I don’t work, but when I’ve prioritised my time around University and the volunteer work, there was (and still is) rarely enough hours left in the day for a paying job, or more specifically, a job that pays acceptably well. In my case, I’m still able to volunteer at the level I do because my grandparents continue to put enough pressure on my parents not to kick me out! From this somewhat privileged position, I still have trouble finding enough time in the day to fit it all in, I know that volunteering at this level is not possible or will not work for everyone, but even then…
I know a lot of classmates who picked up (luckily, paid) internships to do exactly what I’m doing in terms of gaining experience in their field of study, but I just couldn’t bring myself to go down that path. Can you think of any employer who would give the responsibility of an event or project to “the intern”? From what I’ve seen, interns are likely to end up with all the gopher work and none of the credit, with “chief coffee maker” as the highest achievable title. Given a choice, considering the amount of experience (albeit unpaid) that I’m getting now I would still pick volunteering in exchange for experience as opposed to a paid internship in exchange for very little hands on experience. I guess (yes, I do a lot of guessing) this is the ambition and ego talking, but I’m taking a gamble in the hopes that this will all pay off bigger in the long term and that when I graduate I’ll stick out more than every other candidate who graduates with me. Yes, it’s optimistic, as with everything else, but in this case I’d rather build up for the bigger payout than just settle for what’s available right now.
Until then I’ll just have to deal with the fact that what little real time I have will be spent on budget outings, with one beer rather than two. Thankfully my girlfriend is supportive with this, I think it bothers me more than her that I can’t take her out to dinner or on a nice trip. She’s someone I’m really lucky to have in my life and now’s as good a time as any to mention that!
Even after all the rationalisation (or delusions!), dealing with the fact that you cannot support yourself for the foreseeable future is difficult to deal with and despite all the sugar coating, the fact that you voluntarily (see what I did there?) put yourself in this position does begin get to you, Just like anything else …
It can get seriously stressful and the burn out is real.
As a good friend of mine once put it (after I bailed on plans for the fifth time in a row), “You’re juggling chainsaws buddy.” When he first told me this I laughed because, as far as I was concerned I had everything under control, which at time time I did. The thing is, when you commit to things, you plan around what’s already in your plate, but there’s only so far ahead you can plan and so many issues you can predict and account for. Two years later, I finally understand what he meant. Things start to snowball, you begin picking up additional responsibilities (the chainsaws, just in case you didn’t get the metaphor), and you’re in a position where you cannot put anything on hold because people are counting on you to get more and more things done, and it’s all your own doing. More often than not, you’ve thought things out and meticulously planned everything around a timetable, then something unexpected happens and it requires more time and work than you expected (I’m glaring at you Mr. Dissertation) and that’s when the stress starts to rise. You could try to rework the schedule but more often then not, you just can’t keep up. Eventually something has to give and … well … do I really have to explain what happens when the metaphorical chainsaws you’ve been juggling come tumbling down?
If this is starting to sound seriously disjointed (or if it has the whole way through), it might be because this experience is still a little fresh to me. Recently I “hit the wall” (I’m no marathon runner but the expression seems fitting). I found myself in a corner surrounded by lots of responsibilities and no apparent way out. I wish I could turn to you and say I fixed it and it all turned out right, but this isn’t a movie were everything works out. If it is, we’re in the part of the director’s cut where he’s focusing on the despair element for 2 hours longer than the studio let him put in the theatrical release. What I have managed to do is create a bunch of quick fixes which will hopefully get me back on track… namely swallowing my pride and asking for help (and groveling to my tutor to give me more time on my dissertation).
The gist of it all is that it can become a bit too much and there will be days where you find yourself wanting to flee the country to get away from it all which would be a possibility if you could actually afford the plane ticket. But would you?
Am I saying anything new? Honestly, it’s unlikely. As I write this, I don’t regret anything I’ve done so far, or at least not enough to make me stop directing my time into a vortex. This could very well be the ego speaking, but I am genuinely proud of the work I do for these organisations and I can’t see myself giving up on them any time soon…
I guess this really is an addiction.
