Men, it’s time to step up on violence against women
Gary Nunn was the only man among 14 Our Watch fellows. He shares why that ratio is concerning.
As a man, I usually love being surrounded by women.
It’s nothing creepy (I’m gay), it’s just that many of my friends are women, most of my remaining close relatives are women, and we often feel very comfortable around each other. To the point where gender isn’t really important.
On this occasion, though, being in a group of women made me uncomfortable. I was one man surrounded by 13 women.
It wasn’t the women who made me uncomfortable; far from it. It was the lack of men.
I was the only man accepted into this year’s Our Watch Fellowship program, administered by the Walkley Foundation. There were 65 applicants to the fellowship in total. Sixty were women; just five were men.
I don’t feel at all special or proud I was the only man accepted. In truth, I feel slightly ashamed on behalf of my sex. That ratio is concerning. Men: it’s time for you to step up.
The program was described as “a prestigious leadership opportunity with places available for 14 outstanding journalists who’ll have the opportunity to build and refine their knowledge of best-practice reporting on violence against women”.
Having completed the fellowship last month, I want to write the following message in size 2000 font on a billboard: Violence against women isn’t a women’s issue. It’s everyone’s issue.
I thought that statement was obvious; clearly not.
I certainly don’t expect props or accolades. I don’t write about violence against women to win awards, I do it because I want this epidemic of violence to reduce and eventually stop altogether; I do it because I love the women who surround me, and provide me with acerbic wit, warm love, sound advice and enduring friendship.
Even if they provided me with none of the above, I’d still support any intervention that drives down violence against women. Anybody halfway decent would.
This is an issue that can affect anyone of any class, background, education level, race or religion.
One woman a week is murdered by her current or former partner, according to the Australian Institute of Criminology. The Australian Bureau of Statistics has found one in three Australian women have experienced physical violence since the age of 15.
These figures shame us all as Australians. Those women are your relatives, your friends, your colleagues, your lovers. With figures that high, many people know somebody affected by this problem, which often deepens their passion to resolve it.
All this so far should be a no-brainer. The complex part is tackling the problem.
Here’s what I can share with you having completed three excellent retreats around Australia with 13 brilliant, dedicated and passionate women.
Violence against women is a gendered problem, rather than a women’s problem. The drivers that cause it are stereotyped constructions of masculinity and femininity; disrespect towards women and male peer relations emphasising aggression; men’s control of decision making limiting women’s independence and the condoning of violence against women.
That means actions to prevent it are broader than you might think. It’s not just a case of telling men to stop hitting women. It’s a whole society approach: challenging gender stereotypes and roles; promoting women’s independence and decision-making; strengthening positive, equal and respectful relationships.
In practice, things that may seem tenuous can play a small but significant part in reducing the drivers that lead to this violence: men not automatically expecting to erase their wife’s surname and impose their own, the fair division of domestic labour, and flexi-working for both partners to enable this. Taking a tip from Brené Brown: true courage requires you to show vulnerability, not physical strength or aggression. These conversations lead to more respect towards women.
Empathy is important here. As a man, when’s the last time you walked home with your keys in your hand to fend off potential rapists?
It’s not insignificant I was a gay guy on this fellowship either. Men who have romantic relationships with women need to sit and listen to what I heard, so the message can infiltrate the banter in circles of places I’d never set foot in, such as pubs which show live sport, while I’m necking martinis in the bougie bar next door banging my head against a wall about why women are still being killed and injured by the men who are supposed to love them.
It occurs in all types of gender education spaces. I’ve been to the All About Women event at Sydney Opera House; I could count the other men in the audience on one hand. It baffles me. Surely straight men should be even more, not less, interested in women than someone like me?
Passivity is compliance. Read those stats again; they’re appalling. Male journalists of Australia can step up and lead by example by applying for the next fellowship. I’ll be watching that ratio closely.
If you or someone you know is impacted by sexual assault or family violence, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit www.1800RESPECT.org.au
Our Watch leads Australia’s work to stop violence against women and their children before it starts. The organisation was created to drive nation-wide change in the practices, norms and structures that lead to violence against women and children.
Read about all the 2019 Our Watch Fellows here. Read fellow Emma Race’s reflections here.
To access guides for reporting about violence against women and their children, visit: www.mediamakingchange.org.au
This article was first published in The Sydney Morning Herald.
