House Republicans Thrilled to Not Be a Minority
“Free at last, free at last!” bellowed the dozen overjoyed GOP lawmakers on Tucker Carlson Tonight Tuesday. The namesake Fox News host, smiling wryly in response, suddenly turned quite serious: “But really, thank God Almighty.”
The group appeared on Carlson’s show after a segment about SpongeBob SquarePants “going woke” and before a bearded “podcast host/Disney World heckler” discussed the “Hunter Biden connection” between the San Andreas Fault and The Quaker Oats Company. Speaking to Carlson from the U.S. Capitol, each member wore an ‘M’ lapel pin, signifying their new status as a majority — “which sounds like my name!” Georgia’s Marjorie Taylor Greene added proudly.
Among those nodding in agreement was Ohio’s Jim Jordan, whose suit jacket remained as infrequent a sight as a thesaurus at Mar-a-Lago.
“It’s always great to be in the majority,” Jordan said. “And this may seem obvious, but I’m going to say it anyway: each of us got the most votes, so democracy is functioning just fine. In fact, the winner of every election should be the candidate who gets the most votes, except when they’re running for the highest office in the land, as we know.”
“Of course,” Carlson chimed in, before turning to Missouri’s Vicky Hartzler, who had cried in opposition to the House vote to protect gay and interracial marriage.
“These are tears of joy,” Hartzler blubbered while dabbing her cheeks once more. “This wouldn’t have been possible without our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And also the voters.”
