Joe Biden, Xi Jinping Bond Over Lindsay Lohan’s Netflix Rom-Com
Leaders of the world’s largest economies descended on Bali for the G20 last week, but perhaps the most important meeting took place on the sidelines. President Joe Biden and Chinese President Xi Jinping met in person for the first time since Biden took office in 2021, so the pair had a lot of ground to cover. And what better way to catch up than by watching Lindsay Lohan’s new Netflix romantic comedy, Falling for Christmas? That’s exactly what Biden and Xi did together, and the results were better than expected.
The U.S. and China have reportedly been looking for ways to defuse tensions for the past several months, and backchannel conversations between the two superpowers revealed that both Biden and Xi were keen to see Falling for Christmas, so naturally that became the top item on the agenda.
Biden admitted to nearly caving to his desires and watching the movie on the plane ride to Bali but thought better of it. “The relationship between the United States and China is in a precarious position, and I didn’t want to do anything that would jeopardize it.”
Xi nodded in agreement. “That would have been super fucked up, dude.”
Biden and Xi fielded a barrage of questions from reporters, including whether they refilled their sodas and what type of popcorn they ate.
“I put Milk Duds in my popcorn because I get things done,” Biden said. Xi agreed that putting Milk Duds in your popcorn is a dope maneuver.
As for the movie itself, which features Lohan as a glam hotel heiress who gets amnesia after falling off a mountain and finds love at a quaint bed & breakfast ski resort that she’s forced to stay at until she remembers who she is or someone comes looking for her, the praise from President Biden couldn’t have been more effusive.
“That was some movie,” Biden said after the screening. “I think it could teach us all a lesson about love.”
For all the enthusiasm President Biden showed for this instant classic, he may have been outdone by President Xi. “I’ve been a fan of LiLo’s since The Parent Trap,” he said. “It’s good to see things back to the way they’re supposed to be, with her slaying on the reg.”
Biden added, “That Lindsay Lohan is a boss bitch, I tell ya what.”
Falling for Christmas is the type of movie that demands all your attention. When Biden reportedly broached the subject of Taiwan obviously being a sovereign nation and possessing the right to self-determination during the movie, Xi shushed him and pointed at the screen. “It was during a montage of Lindsay adorably bumbling around while poorly doing chores at the bed & breakfast,” he recalled. “It wasn’t the time to talk about Taiwan.”
Despite the fact that Falling for Christmas only runs for an hour and a half, Biden and Xi met for three hours. When asked whether they spent that time watching the movie twice in a row, they said they would “let you decide.”
Regardless of how many times they watched it, it seems the screening has signaled a turning point in ties between the world’s two largest economies. Biden and Xi announced that they hope to build on the meeting by watching more Netflix rom-coms. As part of those efforts, the pair announced that U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken will travel to China for a follow up screening of The Princess Switch trilogy.
“Vanessa Hudgens is a national treasure,” Biden said. “I think President Xi will be impressed with her ability to simultaneously play an everyday girl, a classy queen, and a sexy minx. It’s wild.”
Xi nodded his head vigorously at the mention of the legendary rom-com trilogy, saying that he “can’t wait” to circumvent his own Great Firewall to watch Hudgey in action.
Secretary Blinken could not be reached for comment.
