‘See, You Can’t Prove Me Wrong About Voter Fraud,’ Kari Lake Tells Rock
Former Arizona gubernatorial candidate and current Vaseline spokeswoman Kari Lake engaged in a passionate yet one-sided discussion about voter fraud during a hike Sunday, interrogating a poor piece of sandstone that never did anything to deserve such a thing.
Lake, who bounded outside her home later that evening to speak to the press despite always saying how much she hates them, said the occasion left her feeling “as right as rain” about her unwillingness to concede.
“I heard no push-back at all. It was so revealing,” Lake told reporters and a few neighbors who mistakenly made eye contact with her while walking their dog. “What I believe happened was that, because of the rules of rock-paper-scissors, my unapologetically pro-paper ballot-and-nothing-else position was naturally too intimidating, and therefore correct.”
Lake went back inside and returned with the rock, which she kept in order to “kill two birds with one stone.”
“Not only will having a nightly dialogue with it before bed justify my lawsuits about all the fraud that occurred, but this rock is also just the right shape and weight to throw through, say, a window at the Maricopa County Elections Department,” Lake said, adding with a wry smile: “hypothetically, of course.”
