Twelve Congressional Caucuses Marjorie Taylor Greene Can Join Right Now
Conservative Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene is scrapping the planned launch of her “America First” Caucus after receiving blowback from leaders in her own party, despite confirming through a spokesperson on Friday that the caucus would launch. — CNN 4/17/21
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The My Pillow Caucus: A sleepy little caucus whose platform encourages taking the good stuff from other countries and leaving the riff-raff behind. Pro-siesta but anti-immigrant.
The Better Border Caucus: Aims to keep poor immigrants from crossing the border, and eliminates the stigma of elected officials abandoning their constituents during a crisis only to guzzle margaritas on a beach in Cancún. Also known as the Ted Cruz Caucus.
The Inaction Is Action Caucus: Committed to stopping outrageous power grabs such as court packing, eliminating the filibuster, expanding voting rights, filling Supreme Court vacancies, bringing bills to the floor, passing legislation that benefits poor people, providing health care, taxing the wealthy, feeding children, holding police accountable for unprovoked violence, listening to women, or basically doing anything at all until at least 2024. Closely aligned with the My Pillow Caucus, as members often nap while Congress is in session. Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham are founding members.
The Venmo Caucus: A single-issue caucus that works to legalize the use of online payment apps to buy sex and party drugs. Better known as the Matt Gaetz Caucus.
The Book Deal Caucus: A rare bipartisan caucus that seeks to create total chaos until its members are either voted out or forced to resign in shame, at which point they will be offered a six-figure book deal and a lucrative public speaking contract.
The Love It or Leave It Caucus: Shares many goals with the America First Caucus, but also supports the right to kick out anyone who criticizes core American values like racism, sexism, homophobia, and sneering disdain of poor people. Inspired by Tucker Carlson.
The All Lives Matter Caucus: Committed to protecting the sanctity of human life as the Founding Fathers intended, meaning white male landowners only. Their wives and daughters, too, but only if it’s not a big hassle.
The Thoughts and Prayers Caucus: Wholly dedicated to smug inaction after mass shootings. Meets daily.
The Hands Off Our Planet Caucus: Members pledge to protect Mother Earth from meddling climate scientists, and affirm that hurricanes are majestic rainstorms, wildfires are God’s light shows, droughts are blessings for people with frizzy hair, and rising ocean levels are a boon for yacht owners everywhere.
The Corporations Are People Caucus: Committed to building a world in which corporations are treated just like ordinary citizens. Ensures the rights of large corporations and organizations to make huge political donations, while forbidding active protests such as relocating major sporting events in the wake of racist policy decisions. A niche section in this caucus’s platform requires major retailers to stock My Pillow products but forbids them from providing gender-neutral bathrooms.
The Cancel Cancel Culture Caucus: Formed to support little-known children’s books, inanimate plastic potatoes, sexual predators, anti-Semitic guest speakers on college campuses, and outraged white women. Except for Liz Cheney. Liz Cheney is dead to this caucus.
The Anti-Caucus Caucus: Acknowledges that a caucus is a group of people who have decided to work together for a common goal, which is basically socialism and therefore evil. This caucus never meets, and nothing is ever accomplished. Pretty much like every other caucus.
