I’m writing my first book

Why it’s so hard for me to tell you about it

I spent three months — February to May — exploring backcountry and small town New Zealand with my friend Ben. It was the wildest time of our lives, hiking, canoeing, hitching and camping our way down the country, loosely following the Te Araroa Trail. We were tourists in our homeland and every day, without fail, we were awed by its beauty.

We never intended to write anything about it, but there was a moment somewhere in the South Island wilderness when we realised we had a story to tell.

Everyone who lives in New Zealand, and even people who don’t, know that it is one of the most beautiful countries on earth. But very few people truly experience and explore its beauty. We wanted to know why and we wanted to share our adventures with others.

So, we’re writing a book.

There. I said it.

The thing is, we’ve never written a book or anything close to a book before. The idea frightens me.

When people asked me what I was doing with my life after the journey I told them that I was looking for work, but also looking at overseas travel and study options. They are respectable pursuits that most people can accept and understand. I would also, rather sheepishly, tack on the end: “Oh, and I might try and write something. I don’t know, I’m gonna see if maybe I can write a book.”

Key words: might, try, something, maybe.

I was filled with self-doubt and I used these vague words as scapegoats so that if I gave up, or got too busy, or if what I wrote wasn’t good enough I wouldn’t have to own my failure. It’s natural. The prospect of failure is scary and failing is embarrassing, right?

This is why it is so hard for me to say publicly that I am writing a book. It means that I am accountable. It means that I am open to scrutiny. It means that whatever the outcome, I have to own it.

With that in mind, I decided that I shouldn’t be shy about writing a book and if people asked me what I was doing with my life I would tell them: “I’m writing a book.” No might, try or maybe. Because even though I may fail — it might be too hard, it might not be good enough — for now, it is what I am doing.

I am writing my first book.

Now you know.

– Jonathan

We plan to use this website to post updates about the writing process, photos from our journey, excerpts from our drafts and other ramblings. To get in touch, email jonathancarson.mail@gmail.com or send me a tweet.