Please Put a Stake Through the Marvel Franchise

Photo by Dev on Unsplash

Endgame ended me. After that, I pledged never to watch another Marvel superhero film.

And it wasn’t because I barely survived the CGI waterboarding.

And it wasn’t because Brie Larson, adorable in 21 Jump Street, was insufferable as Captain Marvel, giving us the biggest fall in entertainment since Jimmy Kimmel went woke and disingenuous.

No, it wasn’t the CGI and DEI trappings (and to be fair to Marvel Studios, DEI was kinda baked into its DNA by the progressive Stan Lee1).

It was the ranch dressing on the nacho cheese sauce that was poured over the pizza.

I had an overweight acquaintance. He started to diet and work out. He dropped a bunch of weight and added muscle. He looked great.

And then he threw it away after, like, just two years. For no apparent reason. It was almost like he wanted to put the weight back on.

Exhibit A: He would buy Little Caesar’s pizza, pour nacho cheese over it, and top it with a layer of ranch dressing.

When I saw him doing it, I assumed he was doing something relatively innocent, like luring a fat kid to his basement, where he’d molest and kill him.

But no.