Redefining Strength

AKA: A Series of Bar Graphs Explaining Equal Empowerment

Equality is important. Empowering women is important. But empowering women isn’t enough to reach equality. Here’s why:

Let’s start by considering that historically woman have been put in a place of lesser power to men. They have had fewer rights, respect, and choices based upon societal norms. Historically, women may find themselves in a world ruled by a bar graph similar to this one:

Alright. We can observe some evident inequality in this graph pretty clearly, that seems about right. So, based on this graph, let’s brainstorm some solutions.

We’re here to gain women more rights, so it isn’t as though keeping women in their current spot and knocking men down a few pegs until the two bars are level is going to help the situation. So, it seems logical that proving women are strong, independent, and worthy is the way to go in balancing out the scale. Solution: push women to higher limits until we reach a place of equality. The end goal is to have the bar graph shift to be something along these lines:

Equal, right? Unfortunately, not so much.

I happen to disagree with the way these graphs are set up, and I feel that they enforce some not-so-great ways of thinking.

Let’s get one thing out of the way: yes, empowerment of women is important — but they can’t be doing all the work. Oppression of women doesn’t only hurt women, it negatively impacts everyone. It enforces toxic masculinity, and that can be very harmful to the mental-emotional well being of men, too. The set up of the previous graphs leaves out the harm that oppression of women causes men. No one wins in a society without equality, and that’s important to understand. Leaving men out of women’s rights issues leaves room for lack of education, and lack of understanding. How can women expect respect from men that don’t perceive the significance of their cause?

Additionally, this mindset fuels the stigmatization of feminism. Some men find themselves dissuaded from the cause due to the heavy focus on women, making them feel as though they have no place in the discussion. The untrue idea and fear that women are trying to make themselves superior rather than simply equal can also come from a line of thinking where “striving for equality” is interchangeable with “women gaining power”.

Generally speaking, it is more socially accepted and celebrated for men to have strength in the sense of power, prestige, leadership, and physical strength. For women, it isn’t. As for women, it is more socially accepted and celebrated to be in touch with themselves emotionally, and to express vulnerability. For men, it isn’t. But the thing is, I think that vulnerability is just as much an expression of “strength” as power is. And I think that everyone deserves access to both forms. Strength doesn’t define itself as one thing. We are all strong, and we are never only one type of strong.

I challenge you to flip the graph on it’s side. We all should be taking steps towards a middle ground. Education and empowerment for all is the gateway to equality. Men and women both miss out when women are oppressed. Everyone should be trying to learn and grow.

The new graph represents the void space that oppression leaves everybody with. It also leaves room for growth on both sides, but that growth comes from opposite directions, because there are differing steps for each party to take.

To get anywhere in relation to equality, we need to learn how to appropriately empower men, just the same as women. Boys are socialized not to express themselves, whether that be emotionally, stylistically, etc. Those pressures can then lead to violence or depression and other mental health issues. We tell women that the sky is the limit and they can do or be whatever their heart desires, and that’s so important. But on the other side of things, how about we tell men to be themselves and strive for anything in the same way. Celebrating femininity and vulnerability in boys and celebrating masculinity and leadership in girls fills gaps for both groups. It leaves options endless for everyone.

The solution to the horizontal graph means education for all, change for all, growth for all, and equal opportunity. We reach equality via equal effort and empowerment, and that’s something to realize.

Funny, the horizontal graph is looking a lot more like an equal sign than how we started.