The Perks of Being Sober at Bumbershoot

The Scallion column took a few moments out of their day to interview first-time music festival participant, Bryce Harnick, who recently attended Bumbershoot in Seattle.

Scallion: So, Bryce, could you first tell the readers a bit about what Bumbershoot is just so they’re familiar with the concept?

Bryce Harnick: Of course. Bumbershoot is where people pay half of their college savings to spend labor day weekend in the Seattle Center presumably listening to music. The demographic consists of teenagers and twenty-somethings, as well as a solid group of people who could be your grandparents, only cooler. At Bumbershoot, you are likely to see these groups getting drunk and high out of their minds, respectively.

S: Wow, so did you engage in any of these typical activities?

BH: Well, unlike some, I actually figured that if I was to spend three consecutive days being smushed between people in mosh pits like a waddle of penguins, it would be smart to be sober. I did do quite a bit of drinking though — water, that is. Staying hydrated is essential to having a good Bumbershoot experience; how else can you expect to gyrate your hips extremely close to someone else without losing your balance? (BH gives the Scallion reporter a sensual wink)

S: Could you tell us a bit more about the benefits of being sober?

BH: Well, I actually had a lot of fun, that is, fun watching drunk people make fools out of themselves. You would be surprised at some of the decisions people make under the influence. I mean, people clearly are wearing bright orange “Over 21” bracelets, and yet you still see people who look like they should be in middle school eying them up. However, maybe if I was drunk it wouldn’t have been so painful when aggressively masculine college frat boys trampled over my toes repeatedly. All I’m saying is, wear sandals at your own risk.

S: Fascinating stuff, truly fascinating. Thank you so much, this has been an enlightening experience for me, and I’m sure it will be for the readers.

BH: Anytime.

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