5 Thoughts About Emotional Support Animals

1

If you have a service dog that I can’t pet, you should at least carry a smaller animal you can hand out as a consolation prize. You should carry around a hamster in a tiny green vest, at least.

2

A friend is just an emotional support human.

3

I want to pet your service dog so bad, I end up sounding like I’m hitting on them. “Hey, what time you off? Want to ditch this asshole and come back to my place? I have people-food and belly scritches all day.”

4

If you have dog and you leave it at home, it gets sad, right? So technically, you are its emotional support animal.

5

If you don’t really need an emotional support animal but you lie to a doctor to get one, that’s FINE. You’re just like all those heroes who lied to a doctor with a pony tail to get a medical marijuana card.