Alex Falcone
Feb 26, 2018 · 1 min read

1

If you have a service dog that I can’t pet, you should at least carry a smaller animal you can hand out as a consolation prize. You should carry around a hamster in a tiny green vest, at least.

2

A friend is just an emotional support human.

3

I want to pet your service dog so bad, I end up sounding like I’m hitting on them. “Hey, what time you off? Want to ditch this asshole and come back to my place? I have people-food and belly scritches all day.”

4

If you have dog and you leave it at home, it gets sad, right? So technically, you are its emotional support animal.

5

If you don’t really need an emotional support animal but you lie to a doctor to get one, that’s FINE. You’re just like all those heroes who lied to a doctor with a pony tail to get a medical marijuana card.

The Weekly Weep

Stories, reviews, recommendations, and more from Alex Falcone and the rest of the Read it and Weep crew.

Alex Falcone

Written by

Comedian. Podcaster. Author of a YA novel about a girl who falls in love with a cute mummy. Publisher’s Weekly called it “Unfortunate.” unwrapmyheart.com

The Weekly Weep

Stories, reviews, recommendations, and more from Alex Falcone and the rest of the Read it and Weep crew.

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