A Semi-Serious Idea About Terrorism

I think we could do a better job of responding to terrorism. Basically, our strategy seems to be, when somebody commits an act of terrorism to be fucking terrified. And I get it, that’s terrorism’s whole thing. But remember after 9–11 when everybody kept saying we need to _____ or the terrorists win? Every time there’s an attack, we have wall to wall coverage of panic in the streets. Cellphone video of bloody people running. Generals come on TV talking about how we can never stop it. We stop them from winning the way the Washington Generals stop the Globetrotters.

But what if. What if when there’s an act of terrorism, we don’t obsess about the details, but instead everybody takes to the streets and throws a big fucking parade. Every time. We have the most glorious parade full of all the most glorious things we love and they hate.

You can never defeat this.

The lead float is a sausage eating contest. A gluttonous, wasteful, corporate sponsored sausage eating contest.

Next up is a mobile bookstore, with people throwing secular books into the crowd like candy.

And one is a big gay dance party. Club music, leather, dudes look down the barrel of the camera as it goes by and saying, “This is for you, ISIS,” and then kissing. Tongues out of the mouth, porno kissing.

And every single float is driven by a woman. Who works in STEM.

Just an idea.