What Does Failure Mean to Me?

Like most people, I struggle with how to handle failure. What does it mean to me in that moment, as well as looking toward the future? Should I let the feeling take me down, or see it as a door opening?

Merriam-Webster’s definition of failure is in part; “lack of success”, “a state of inability to perform a normal function”, “a falling short.”

Hard to see the bright side there. But the definition doesn’t take into account context. What is the context in which you failed?

The context of the story IS the story.

So why wouldn’t the context of the failure be the focal point, not the failure itself? Ultimately failure is subjective. I’m not talking about failing tests in school or failing to meet a deadline you had agreed to. I’m talking about life. The decisions you make on a daily basis that push your life forward, one way or another.

All of those little choices, all of those big choices, someone else might have made differently to different outcomes. Does that mean, depending on the choice, that one person failing and the other succeeding is absolute? I don’t think so.

The stigma around failure is worse than failure itself. Sure, we don’t like to disappoint ourselves, but I guarantee most of us dislike disappointing others more.

So what happens when a person fails, but is okay with it? How do you overcome someone else’s judgement of your perceived failure when you don’t actually think the failure was a bad thing? What one person thinks of as a failure, another person might see as a new beginning.

For example, my last relationship was 6 years on and off. It ended. Essentially the relationship failed. However, the ending of it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I was free of being held back, I was free to find myself again, I was free to not deal with all the bullshit I’d been dealing with. Is this particular failure a bad thing? No. I surely don’t think so.

Have I failed as a woman because I’m not married with kids at 36? Some would say yes. I don’t agree, obviously. I think that my future is filled with endless opportunities that I’m free to take at a moments notice because I’m beholden only to myself.

On a less personal level; is the entrepreneur a failure because the first three businesses didn’t work? What happens when the fourth one strikes hot? In my mind, the first three failures were learning experiences that led them directly to the success. Without them, the entrepreneur wouldn’t have been able to get it right.

Life is full of big and little failures. Some are going to hurt more than others. Some might take longer to get over than others. That’s completely understandable. My advice, through it all — embrace them. Learn from them. And do better the next time.