GRIEF RECOVERY | PHILOSOPHY OF GRIEF
Maybe We Never Get Over Grief, and That’s OK
The harder I try to heal, the worse it feels
It was my birthday this week. I was naively kind of looking forward to it. My birthday is two weeks after Christmas exactly (January 8th-happy birthday to me, Elvis, Bowie and some other cooler than me cats!).
It always has a sort of after party vibe to it, which I have come to enjoy over time.
But I fell down the bottomless hole of grief and regret despite my best efforts not to. My mind is stuck on a loop in moments of grief; the missed opportunities, the guilt of not being with him at the end. My Dad was good at birthdays and holidays, he was the fun dad, the involved dad. Until he wasn’t, after I grew up and we grew apart.
Christmas was a write off because I was at my in-laws, which never really feels like Christmas to me. But I was ok with it because I knew the first Christmas after my dad died was probably going to be weird/tough anyway.
It’s still surprising to me how potent my grief remains, considering I was largely estranged from my dad for many years before his passing last July. I have good days, weeks even, and I think I am through the worst of it. But grief doesn’t fade or get easier in terms of…
