A LESSON IN LIVING AND NOT DYING
My Plan to Take My Own Life and Why I Did Not Want to Live
It would take a miracle to change my mind
Warning: Discussion of suicide and physical abuse
Years ago, in profound desperation, I felt there was no way to go on living with the torment in my soul and ache in my heart, so I started a plan to take my own life.
I spent a reasonable amount of time perfecting my plan. I looked for a place where I would not be easily found and a method I felt could not go wrong. The location was a small building that no one entered between 8 PM and 8 AM. That gave me a window of 12 hours in which I could go undisturbed.
After taking 90 prescription sleeping pills I had saved up, I decided to cut the radial arteries in my wrists with a razor knife. It would not take long to fall asleep from the pills as I bled, and I would finally be at peace.
In 1996, I was at a shallow point in my life. I was blamed for my oldest daughter’s misbehavior. My parents and a few other family members told her I was at fault for her unhappiness and poor behavior and that she was an innocent victim of my choices in life. This had been going on for many years. I was edgy, depressed, and taking anxiety meds to cope with the blame they…
