The Gardener
How do you think about “parenting”. Do you do it as a job? As a project? As one of the many hats you wear through the day? Is it even possible to do it like that?
I believe parenting is not something you do but its someone you ARE. Period.
You can go running and be called a runner, or you can go swimming and be called a swimmer, but you can’t go humaning and then be called a human. That, you just ARE.
Being a parent is a lot like that.
From the moment you take up this ordeal it changes you as a person, for better or for worse. The change reflects in the way you live your life, in the thoughts you think and the actions you perform.
There are entire industries devoted to get you to do “parenting” right. Tips and advice columns and books and products that help you ace this project.
But alas! it’s not a project, your child is not a recipe that you can perfect if just get the right ingredients, she is not a dog you can train for a dog show. Your child is not a product you are building to showcase to the world.
You are not a carpenter chiseling away at a piece of furniture with all the tools in the world. You are a gardener whose only job is to build a nurturing garden for a wildflower to flourish.
This idea is beautifully explained in the book “The Gardener and the Carpenter” by child psychologist Alison Gopnik.
Throughout the book she takes down the “modern parenting” philosophy and implores the reader to pursue a gardeners approach to being a parent.
The book has good doses of evolutionary psychology, neuroscience and philosophy. Its a must for every parent to understand their child, themselves and this relationship they are going to build for the rest of their lives.
Check it out —
The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children
Also checkout this article from The Atlantic which has a short summary of the book and an interview with the author.
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