The Overparenting Trap
Our lived experience teaches us a certain kind of definition of success. We tend to look at certain people, professions, careers as benchmarks of success, happiness and a fulfilling life.
And then when we become parents, we want out kids to match up to those benchmarks. It comes quite naturally to us because that is what we know about success and happiness, and we want the best for our kids. Of course.
We feel it’s our responsibility to steer our kids in the direction we know gives them the best chance of a fulfilling life. And that argument holds true to a certain degree. But very soon our well-meaning advice turns into overbearing expectations.
We start to attach our ego to our kids academic and professional success. After all, we want to brag about their achievements to the world.
I know every young parent reading this right now is nodding his head and sees the problematic nature of such unfair expectations. He/she vows to never fall into the same trap.
But we must realise that its only human to have expectations from people you love, and we often become overbearing with our kids without actually realising it ourselves. It’s a cunning trap this.
All parents are intelligent and well-meaning, even the most micro-managing ones, it’s just about keeping a check on your own self, and staying away from defining strict definitions of success and happiness for our children.
This 2015 Ted Talk from Julie Lythchott-Haims is a good reminder of what not to do as a parent. Her passion is infectious, check it out —
How to raise successful kids — without over-parenting | Julie Lythcott-Haims
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