Success During and After Divorce — Finding a Home for Myself and My Business
During the last marriage counseling session before initiating my divorce — the session in which I told my husband that I didn’t want to continue to work to fix our marriage — the therapist asked me what I envisioned my divorced life looking like.
I told her that I had no idea. I didn’t have a picture in my mind. Later on, when i tried to visualize my life in the future, I really couldn’t. I asked my own therapist if she thought this was something I should be concerned about. When she said that it wasn’t, I let it go. But I later noticed that when I drove through the county where I live, I couldn’t help but feel there was no town in reasonable driving distance of my daughter’s high school that appealed to me as a place to resettle. And I had no definite feeling about living in a house versus a townhouse or a condo.
On my first house hunting expedition I saw a place, admittedly at the low end of my price range, that looked more suited for college students than a 50-something adult with a home-based business. The experience left me feeling anxious and afraid of making it on my own. A few days later, I took a different route than usual on my way through town and I saw a tiny little house for sale. It was on an attractive street. But unlike the neighboring properties, this place had no charm. In fact it didn’t even have any landscaping. Even though it appeared too small for myself, my teenage daughter and visits with my older daughter — I thought to myself — maybe I could live there.
That’s when it occurred to me. I was playing it really small. But why? Do I believe that I am not worthy of living in an attractive home with full size appliances? Is it my way of punishing myself because I no longer wanted to be in the marriage that provided me with a beautiful house and comfy lifestyle? Do I see being in a loving, connected, intimate relationship and financial security as mutually exclusive? Do I believe I can’t have both? Shouldn’t have both? Don’t deserve to have both? Was I saying that I wasn’t going to be able to support us to that standard with my business, alimony and child support?
And what about my business, was I playing it small there as well? Do I have some deep seated belief that I don’t deserve to thrive because I don’t want to stay married? In fact, I restarted my business after some time off to take care of my girls at about the same time that I began the work on my marriage that ultimately led to divorce. I won’t sugar coat it, restarting my business has been rough. I love my clients. They have had amazing results improving their health and losing weight through the nutrition coaching programs I offer. But it’s taking longer to build a steady income than I anticipated.
In my coaching business talking to clients about what’s holding them back and their limiting beliefs is a big part of changing eating habits and reaching their desired goals. I appeared to have come up against my own issues. I was committed enough to finding a different type of primary relationship that I was willing to end a 25-year-long marriage. Having made that monumental decision, I appear to be the biggest obstacle to reaching at least parts of my goal — to live in a place I enjoy and to have a healthy business.
I can see getting to the root of my house hunting issues could also be key to having a more successful business. Tomorrow morning I have an appointment with a business coach who is also getting divorced. I intend to pose these questions to her. I also have an appointment with a realtor in a couple of days. I wonder what kind of experience he has with buyers who let their own unresolved issues influence their choices.
As I dig deeper on this topic of success during and after divorce, I would love to hear your thoughts on divorce and own success. Please, share your wisdom. Leave me a comment or hop over to my website and connect with me there: http://lovemoreeatless.com/.