Sexual Attraction is PHYSICAL??
I realized recently that most people’s experience with sexual attraction is physical. This was quite a mind blowing thought to me. I had always assumed that what people described as “sexual attraction” was a metaphor or an exaggeration, not an actual physical experience.
People have described sexual attraction to me, and it sounds like it feels pretty much the same as sexual arousal, which I have experienced. I just don’t experience it without touch and only with someone I know and trust. It’s bizarre to me that some people (maybe most people?) can feel sexual arousal just from looking at a stranger.
You may find it unbelievable that I managed to live in the Western world for over thirty years, consuming various media, without realizing that what people mean when they talk about sexual attraction is something that I’ve never felt. But, you see, I’m a writer and a poet. Metaphor is etched into my bones. And we all use metaphor in everyday English. I used it in the second sentence of this article. My head is quite intact despite my description of its explosion.
I’ve been calling myself demisexual for quite a while, but I resisted the idea that I was asexual because I thought that I couldn’t be ace since I felt sexual arousal. Of course, that’s ridiculous. The definition of asexual is someone who doesn’t experience sexual attraction which is now, in hindsight, quite obviously me.
I used to think the aesthetic and, sometimes, romantic attraction I feel was what everyone was talking about when they talked about sexual attraction. I thought I was demi because the romantic attraction only comes after I have established an emotional connection. And sex is great! I like having sex with someone I love and trust. But looking at someone doesn’t make me wanna do it. And I really thought everyone felt this way and they were all exaggerating or using metaphor when they said different.
All of this is why I took so long to realize I’m also bi. Growing up in a heteronormative world, I never even considered the possibility. And, since I never felt any sexual attraction to anyone, and I fell in love with a man, I just assumed I was straight. It’s a miracle I ever figured any of this out, to be honest.
