OKC Thunder invent time machine.

The behind-the-scenes scoop on the Carmelo Anthony trade

ESPN — Reported at 10:55 AM PT, Saturday, September 23, 2017

According to Adrian Wojnarowski,

“The New York Knicks have agreed to a trade to send 10-time All-Star forward Carmelo Anthony to the Oklahoma City Thunder, league sources told ESPN.”

In addition, NBA MVP Russell Westbrook and All-Star Paul George played a significant role in recruiting Anthony to waive his no-trade clause.

Culling the various interviews, here are the reactions from the players and general managers:

GM Sam Presti: We are extremely pleased to welcome Carmelo Anthony to the Thunder. By trading for the rights to this fabulous player, we can now exchange current Carmelo with 2007–2008 Carmelo, who averaged 25.7 ppt, 7.4 reb, 3.4 ASSISTS (WTF?) and 1.3 steals. Apologies to George Karl and the Denver Nuggets, but they lost in the first round of the playoffs, so this will do nothing to change their season. I cannot comment about the existence of a time machine. However, our ability to get this kind of amazing peformance out of a 33-year-old veteran is the proprietary information of our advanced analytics team.

Westbrook: This fills a big hole in the team that I had a hand in causing. We never should have let Dion Waiters go. Having another ball stopper on the team pushes me to a whole other level. Why play 1-on-5, when you can take on the challenge of playing 1-on-6? I missed the thrill of having Dion chase me around the court demanding the ball. I know that Carmelo will fill that role like the pro that he is.

Carmelo: Troy* promised me that I could hold on to this ball at all times for the next two years. Even when I’m on the bench. The teams play “air basketball” during the times when I’m not on the floor. It also solves my defensive liabilities, as no one can score on me even when I’m on the other end of the floor.

George: I’m thrilled with having Carmelo join the team. He’ll take all the media pressure off me if the team is horrible. I’ll be able to play Candy Crush all season and brush up on my español when I sign with Los Lakers next year.

GM Scott Perry: We have been waiting for a player like Enes Kanter for years. His presence in the middle will make the triangle offense as formidable as it was with Shaquille O’N… wait, what? We’re not using the triangle any more? Phil’s gone?

Levar Ball: This is all my doing! Teams are so afraid of Lonzo and the Lakers, they’re inventing time machines to bring back old hacks like Melo. Hell, I could beat him one on one even when he didn’t look like no puffy marsh-mellow. Ain’t that why they really call him “melo?” We’ll I ain’t scared, and neither is Lonzo, they can reanimate the corpses of Wilt Chamberlin, Kareem and MJ, what you mean they not dead? hey the past is the past, just let it go, man, it won’t make no difference when all three of the Ball brothers are playing for the Lakers, Lonzo, Liangelo, Lamelo, and me, we gonna win not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven, not eight [phone died at this point, for more see this amazing video on the unknown Ball Brother]

* Troy Weaver, Thunder Assistant GM

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